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  • Success in Life is in Your Mind

    Success in Life is in Your Mind

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    Everyone desires success in life, but not everybody can become successful, unfortunately. To be successful, you need first to understand what success is.

    Your success is what you envision in your mind. It’s not what you see in other people. If you are with me here, let’s move on. Everything you ever want in life is inside you. God and the universe can only help you accomplish it. But everything starts from within you.

    What is Success in Life?

    success in life
    Photo by Jill Wellington

    Success in life is two-pronged. In a general sense, it’s all about accomplishing your goals. The goal should never be money because that’s only a means to an end. Money is never the end goal.

    In the truest sense, success in life is happiness. It’s about being secure in your skin with high self-esteem. The sad part is that many people have a skewed sense of success. They think a life of success is about dressing in fancy clothes and driving sleek machines. That’s not success.

    You’re just an average Joe trying to impress people you don’t like. Successful people buy assets. Over time, these items appreciate in value, like jewellery, land, and stocks. They don’t buy dumb shit to impress other people.

    Success in Life Begins in Your Mind

    A typical example I may use is the one of the Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg. Facebook was once a mere directory used in Harvard dormitories.

    Mark began experimenting on the Facebook idea when he was a sophomore at Harvard, together with co-founder Dustin Moskovitz. The rest is history.

    Julian Kyula, the Senior Pastor, Purpose Centre Church, Nairobi, is the founder and former CEO of Mode, a mobile decisioning company that lends airtime credit to its consumers.

    Having worked with Credit companies in the US, Mr Kyula used his knowledge and experience in the industry to open his company, which is valued at millions of dollars. You can read more about a new company he is working on here.

    Success in Life Means Creating Your Path

    Those are some examples of successful startup stories in the US and Kenya. I’m not encouraging you to be a start-up founder. You need to know that everything you can create in this world is within you.

    The success stories of the aforementioned examples were just a decision away. Mark would have continued with his Computer Science degree and shelved his Facebook project. But he thought otherwise.

    If you are a student, please don’t drop school. Create your own path.

    Kyula would have continued living in the US, earning a six-figure salary in a first-world country. Living the American dream, right? But there is something he discovered within him that was far beyond his job.

    Think Long term

    Young people! Please be patient and appreciate the value of hard work. Whether you work for somebody or are self-employed, keep your attitude right and grinding.

    I can assure you a successful idea will come and be from within your mind. Shortcuts in life are there, but they are the longest routes bedecked with regrets, pain and frustrations if you think about it.

    A young man deludes that when he hooks himself to a sugar mummy for riches in exchange for sexual favour, that’s a well-cut-out life for him.

    That’s akin to dancing with a bear, and sooner she will eat you up. Young ladies! Being a rich man’s second wife or side chick doesn’t make you successful. You are sowing some evil seeds, and you will reap them later.

    Young people should give themselves grace, believe in themselves (God already believes in you), and work hard because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    And if you think you have seen your success in life, you have seen nothing yet because your success is in your mind.

    Stay hopeful, stay positive.

  • Honest Relationship: Proven Tips Beginner Couples Should Know

    Honest Relationship: Proven Tips Beginner Couples Should Know

    What entails an honest relationship? And if you have caught yourself lying in a relationship, what triggered the lie?

    Ideally, everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to practice the virtue of honesty in their relationships. As you read this piece, take a moment right now, and examine your relationship.

    Do you think you have been honest with your partner? From childhood to adulthood, our parents taught us that lying is bad.

    An honest relationship entails being honest with your partner at all times. By being open to each other, you create a loving environment that is healthy and long-lasting.

    According to DePaulo, author of the book Detection of Lies in Forensic Concepts, people perceive individuals with the highest number of lies as irresponsible, manipulative, and hyper-conscious of other people’s thoughts.

    Besides, they are more extroverted than people who tell fewer lies. Between you and your partner, who lies the most? You know the answer best.

    Keeping Things Honest in Your Relationship

    honest relationship
    Pexels

    Honesty in a relationship entails being authentic and transparent with your partner on issues, including the ones you feel are most insignificant.

    We live in a real world, and it helps when you are more real than living in fantasy.

    It’s understandable that you all come from different backgrounds, and each has their own perception of life.

    For you to build a thriving relationship, it’s important that you share your different perceptions and build one out of the two.

    To achieve an honest relationship, you and your partner must implement important practices that involve speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information, and never intentionally misleading them from the truth.

    Why Practise an Honest Relationship?

    honest relationship
    Photo by Mikhail Nilov

    I will be straight to the point: It’s the only way you can have an intense and intimate relationship with someone.

    Relationships that thrive on lies seldom last for long; if they do, it takes a lot of effort to regain trust.

    Also, for the two of you to build a meaningful relationship full of trust, honesty has to be part of the foundation. A simple way for someone to trust you is to show that you can be honest with them.

    Anyone in a functional relationship will attest to the fact that a healthy relationship comes from building and maintaining open and honest communication with your significant other.

    At this point, it’s important to mention that you will also have to exercise discretion as you attempt to be an honest partner in your relationship. Being honest shouldn’t make you rude, unkind, or insensitive to the truth.

    What Honesty is Not

    Truth sometimes hurts, and you shouldn’t use it intentionally to harm your partner. You can package and deliver it more sensibly.

    Now, honesty is not revealing everything you feel and think. Because you feel your friend or acquaintance is hotter than your partner, you will not tell them, won’t you?

    Be truthfully honest and not brutally honest. I’m learning this myself.

    Similarly, you may have issues you feel not comfortable bringing them out to your partner. It’s okay to feel that way; however, you must let them understand your feelings.

    They will understand you better and put you at ease talking about it.

    There should be no secrets in an honest relationship. That’s what marriage counsellors keep telling us repeatedly. But as a partner in the relationship, you may have confidential information from a third party that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your partner.

    It’s important that you share your concerns with your partner and let them understand why the information you have is confidential.

    The Three Forms of Lies: White, Real, and Gray

    According to Erin M. Bryant (Trinity University,2008), there are three types of lies: The white lie, the Real, and the Gray. Of the three, the white lie is the most common.

    According to the research, white lies lack malicious intent, and people often use them with benevolent intent or to convey a partial truth.

    For instance, you could be sick and resting, but you tell your partner you aren’t to prevent them from worrying. White lies have trivial consequences, and people always prefer using them because they find them harmless.

    A similar case could be when the wife tells the husband she enjoyed his meal because she knows there will be no consequences.

    What about grey lies? These are beyond white lies, hmmm? But you can’t categorize them as actual lies yet. On the same knot, you can’t use the parameters you used to define white lies to define the grey ones.

    Let’s break down grey lies into two categories: Ambiguous and justifiable grey lies.

    Ambiguous grey lies are completely false, but you could use them to help someone. For example, telling your boss or employer a full-blown lie to cover your colleague.

    So they have grey areas because to one party, it could be a lie, while to the other party, it isn’t. In the case of justifiable lies, they could be real lies but justified for certain reasons.

    A justifiable lie is one you completely fabricate to protect yourself or the other person from dire consequences. In the context of a romantic relationship, what do you think could qualify as a perfect example? 🙂

    According to Byrant, Real lies are “unacceptable lies that are malicious, self-serving, complete fabrications of the truth, that hold serious consequences.”

    Let’s face it, as humans, we are prone to mistakes and use these lie types unknowingly to cover our asses. The question is, which of the three types of lies and consequences are you and your partner comfortable living with?

    Think about it as you navigate your honest relationship journey.

    How to Practise Honest Relationships

    1. Express How You Feel

    Which is easier? Expressing how you feel or bottling yourself up? It does you more good than harm when you speak rather than shut up. Honest communication with your partner saves them the trouble of second-guessing your thoughts or next move.

    Sometimes men find it difficult to express themselves. You say, “I would rather avoid confrontation.”

    Well, speaking up does not outright lead to confrontation. It’s healthier for you, as it will help you avoid resenting your partner and forming a history lesson.

    Have you ever reminded your partner what he/she did a year back? They may never be in a position to answer because they never remember the nitty-gritty of the event. It helps always to express how you feel.

    2. Communicate Effectively

    Open, honest communication is good but effective communication is far much better. To communicate effectively and understand the feelings and thoughts of your partner better:

    • Make use of “I” statements
    • Be clear about your thoughts and feelings
    • Be open-minded
    • Avoid defensive listening
    • Validate each other’s feelings

    3. Know Yourself

    To practice honesty better, it pays to understand yourself. You won’t be good at maintaining an honest relationship if you don’t know about yourself. Take a step back and separate yourself from people’s opinions and the perception of society on you.

    If, by any chance, you embraced a harmful personality that doesn’t reflect you, then you need to drop it to be honest about your relationship with your partner.

    Conclusion

    An honest relationship is achievable. If you are a young couple just starting out, embrace honest practices in your union, and your relationship will go far.

    Everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to put in the hard work that reflects virtue.

    Regarding honesty in your relationship, practice honesty by speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information, and not misleading your partner about the truth.

    If you found this piece helpful or feel you want to put your thoughts into it, let me know in the comments below.

  • 7 Simple Priceless Ways to Keep a Positive Attitude when you feel Negative

    7 Simple Priceless Ways to Keep a Positive Attitude when you feel Negative

    In a world where suicides resulting from stress and depression are rising, what price would you pay to keep a positive attitude?

    Maybe there isn’t. But to some extent, a long and positive life doesn’t come on a silver platter. There is a way you could go about things in your life to make you stay positive.

    According to the World Health Organization, depression is a common mental disorder. It affects over 264 million people of all ages across the world. It’s also a major contributor to the global disease burden.

    However, you shouldn’t confuse it with typical mood fluctuations and mild stress levels arising from everyday challenges.

    WHO also reports that 800,000 people commit suicide every year. Suicide is the second leading cause of death worldwide among 15-29-year-olds.

    Your mental health is key to your survival. Your thoughts are the source of your life. Learn to master them, and you have solved 80% of the problems in your life. Your heart is the wellspring of life. Here, we give you simple but kick-ass tips to keep you positive and live longer.

    How to Keep a Positive Attitude in the Face of Adversity

    positive attitude
    Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

    1. Keep a Positive Attitude through Hope

    According to the Merriam-Webster, Dictionary, hope as a doing word is to cherish a desire with anticipation. As a noun from the same source, hope is desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.

    The opposite of hope is despair. You may despair because you feel life has no meaning anymore. Still, you could lose hope because of trouble in your life that made you suffer.

    On the same note, you could lose hope because of a series of empty promises from friends and enemies.

    But I’m here to tell you to keep the hope. Keep it because it will protect you when people may want to take advantage of your desperate situation.

    You need to keep the hope because it will help you envision something beautiful out of life. According to the American Psychology Association, children who grew up in poverty and ended up being successful had one thing in common: Hope

    2. Handle Criticism in a Healthier Way

    Criticism is the act of finding fault in someone or something. In most cases, criticism is never about the receiver but the person speaking it. How many times in your life have you shied away from what you want to do in life because of the fear of criticism?

    Often, fear of criticism leads to impassivity, sucking the joy and life out of you. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t fear criticism, but you would rather handle it more healthily by embracing a positive attitude towards it.

    Often, fear of criticism leads to impassivity, sucking the joy and life out of you. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t fear criticism, but you would rather handle it in a healthier way.

    Diving deep and further, you can learn to handle criticism healthier rather than running away from it.

    For instance, some comments can be a criticism if we take them to heart or make them personal. On the contrary, you can make the situation less tense by laughing the comments off.

    At best, it is good not to reply but let go. But if you must reply, you may want to start with a question to hear the criticism once more. To add on, you could turn the criticism into a positive situation for you or make it a light moment.

    3. Turn the Negatives thrown at you into Positives

    To keep a positive attitude even when feeling negative, you need to take control of your mind. Be strong mentally. Just as negativity is all around us, positivity is also there. The key takeaway here is to have a flexible mind.

    If a situation turns out to be negative and less than what you expected, remain collected, sober, and figure out what you should do next. It’s easier to figure out Plan B when you are still collected.

    It also helps to have positive comments for negative remarks thrown at you. Of course, you are not a computer with a line of thought for every word people feed into your ears. But having a word that turns out to be a negative remark for your good makes you feel much better.

    Turning the negatives into positives also means pushing the negative thoughts out of your mind. Yes, they can pass by but don’t allow them to settle.

    4. Avoid Self-Condemning Thoughts

    positive attitude
    Photo by Nathan Cowley

    Taking responsibility for your silly decisions or mistakes in life is good, but it’s never healthy to blame yourself. Tell me of one person who doesn’t make mistakes, and I will show you a ghost.

    You must come to terms with the fact that every day in your life is an opportunity for you to rebuild your self-image. Whether you sucked or embarrassed yourself the day before, having the courage to pick yourself up and get moving is what makes the difference.

    So, learn to keep a positive attitude by filling your mind with good thoughts about yourself.

    For instance, if you are a believer and study the Christian Bible, then you must know Christ died for you on the cross while you were still a sinner.

    Christ forgave you and imputed God’s righteousness on you. If you catch yourself sinning or falling into sin, always tell yourself you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and eventually, you will be. Isn’t it written the righteous will live by faith?

    Self-condemning thoughts hardly add any value to you but take out all the positivity in you, leaving you deflated. Think well about yourself.

    5. Find Positivity Within you

    My script about keeping a positive attitude may not help you if you don’t discover the positivity you carry within.

    Further, we are born positive until we allow negative life experiences to shape our mentalities. If you carry positivity within you, negative situations or experiences will not linger on you for long because you will have to find another like environment to go to.

    By nature, you are positive. But most people refuse to hold on to this reality and listen to what the world will tell them they are.

    Put another way, you are God’s creation, fearfully and wonderfully made. Whether people categorize you as beautiful or ugly, it won’t negate the fact that God created you wonderfully. Find solace in the positivity within you.

    6. Tell Yourself it Could be Worse

    positive attitude

    You could be the most pious person or a fugitive, but none of your statuses could make you immune to daily life challenges. Accidents occur in our lives from time to time. But somehow, you always find yourself alive again to tell your story.

    The main issue is that we don’t have insurance for negative life events.

    Anytime you find yourself in a situation that is so hard to bear, keep a positive attitude by always telling yourself you are lucky because it could have been worse.

    To the best of my knowledge, the worst that could happen in your life is when you lose your life. Anything else that doesn’t kill strengthens you.

    7. Find your Purpose in Life

    The purpose is the reason why something exists. What’s the reason for your existence? The key to keeping a positive attitude is discovering why you exist.

    Besides anything else, discovering your purpose in life is the greatest thing you’ll ever find. The world is full of successful people who are devoid of purpose. Despite the affluence and the mega lifestyle they live, they always find themselves unfulfilled and feeling empty.

    Yes, money will make life easier for you, but it won’t fulfil you because you will keep looking for it even after you have made your billions. Come to think of it, materialism and fame also fall in the same category as money.

    Your true purpose in life is not inward-facing. It’s outward. You are in the world for a reason; finding that reason is the best fulfilment.

    What do people say about you? Or what do you find easier doing? Getting answers to these questions could kick-start your journey to discovering your purpose.

    Summing Up

    To keep a positive attitude is a matter of choice. You have the power to do it. Keeping a positive attitude is not all about smiling and looking good. It’s something deeper that comes from within you.

    Make the choice today to observe the positive heart-warming list and see yourself live a life of a positive attitude.

  • Rape: A Recurring Agony Society Isn’t Ready to Deal with Yet

    Rape: A Recurring Agony Society Isn’t Ready to Deal with Yet

    Two days ago, as I skimmed through my emails, I came across an email that had just skipped me by.

    It was not one of the regular mails or subscriptions I receive daily. No, not those. It was about rape: a recurring agony in society today.

    My eyes quickly got the allure, and I clicked the unread email in my inbox.

    Sex is Sacred but See This

    The charm was the word Sexual Violence. I was curious to find out what is this someone offered me on sexual violence.

    Okay, to cut the chase, guess what? It was an offer for a review of an e-book about Sexual Violence, hope, and healing titled – To The Survivors

    To The Survivors
    rape: a recurring agony.

    This is a subject I have never explored myself, even though it’s deeply engraved in society.

    And so, thanks to Robert Uttaro A.K.A Bobby, I plunged into the unchartered. So while researching personal development blogs, Robert bumped into my blog.

    That’s where we hit it off. Here is the sad truth, sexual violence affects not only the body. It also affects many facets of your well-being, including your mind, heart, and soul.

    Rape: A Recurring Agony-Which Category do you identify with

    The bigger question here is from what perspective do you understand the subject of sexual violence or rape: a recurring agony in society. Are you a victim, perpetrator, a witness, a counsellor or both?

    The latter two may never understand the agony the former went through. There are a lot of issues surrounding rape incidence, healing, and recovery. You will wonder how a rape victim can go through it all.

    And just to give you a picture of what transpires after, these are the potential effects of sexual violence that may last years after:

    NightmaresDisbeliefVulnerability
    ShockChanges in sleeping patternsSafety concerns
    ShameConfusionDifficulty concentrating
    GuiltStartle responsesChanges in eating patterns
    SadnessFearDepression
    AnxietyAngerBecoming suicidal
    EmbarrassmentLoss of ControlDistrust
    Effects of Sexual violence

    There is also the other question of the perpetrator. What leads them to commit the act?

    Do they always feel guilty about it, or does the act become their way of life? Do they need therapy as well? Surely they do.

    Have you witnessed a rape incident before? How did this make you feel about life and the whole situation? How you respond reflects your state of well-being towards this subject.

    Ask yourself how you understand the subject of rape: a recurring agony in society. A few questions to ask yourself would be Who is a rape victim? And maybe what would make someone start sex with someone else without their consent?

    The fact is statistics on rape cases aren’t damn right as their many instances of rape cases that go unrecorded.

    The victim, the perpetrator, and the witness all turn out to be rape survivors. And society needs to address all these groups satisfactorily if we are all to arrive at an amicable solution.

    Rape Myths Demystified

    A rapist, in the words of Bobby, is not the typical lunatic hiding in a bush somewhere, nor the bloodshot guy you see across the streets.

    I don’t blame you if that is your mental picture of a rapist. I used to have that in mind, too, until I met Robert.

    Many times rape victims get violated by people they know. I’m saying this through a counsellor’s eye who has had to withhold so many tear droplets while listening to harrowing stories of rape survivors.

    Many attested to the fact that the people who violated them were close family members, men of the clock, acquaintances, colleagues and the list was endless.

    A rapist is not the out of mind, unkempt fool you could think of right now. A good case in point is being sexually graded by your University lecturer, who threatens to withhold your marks if you don’t fall for their antics.

    I’m sure you will agree that society has not been very supportive of giving solace to rape victims. First, because few belief rape survivors, let alone listen to them. Imagine a situation where a smartly dressed lady shows up at a police station to report that somebody raped her.

    The police somehow will doubt her story and begin asking questions that appear to blame her. Perpetrators appear so innocent and can be pleasant men and women in society, which makes it hard for people to believe they can perform such a heinous act. This video sheds more light on the matter.

    The other mental picture we put into our minds when we hear of a rape victim is a torn dress, bruised limbs, bleeding, and unkempt hair. While this is a potential scenario, not all rape incidences turn survivors into such a state. And so it becomes very easy not to believe a rape survivor when he or she comes smartly dressed and tells you they were raped.

    We are also wrong to have the lop-sided view that 99% of rape victims are women. Both sexes are prone to rape, and being a victim is not anyone’s fault. So it’s never about women and girls alone, but men and boys too.

    How Should Society Support Rape Survivors?

    The justice system has never been the best avenue in supporting victims of rape cases. After having gone through devastating and shameful experiences, the justice system usually subjects them to another lengthy process of identifying and testifying against the perpetrator.

    Worst of it all is the fact that without a witness, the rape case will collapse, and the perpetrator will walk Scot-free to lay hold on another innocent soul.

    What rape survivors need is the best therapy they can find to take them through the healing process. This brings me to the acronym BLESS.

    In the words of Robert, society should support rape survivors by

    • Believing in them.
    • Listen: Pay attention to them if they need to cry or talk.
    • Empathize with them.
    • Safety: Take care of their physical, emotional, and spiritual safety.
    • Support: Give them support in whatever way they need.

    To learn more about Robert’s work and what he has written about Rape Survivors, I will refer you to his E-book: To the Survivors, which you can find through this Amazon link.

    Let’s discuss this in the comments below

    Best Wishes.

  • The Corona Pandemic and 8 Lessons to Learn

    The Corona Pandemic and 8 Lessons to Learn

    Hey guys, I have been away for some time. And you may have asked yourself at some point where I disappeared to. But that shouldn’t bother you much today. I will talk about the Corona pandemic today.

    Well, I got into freelance writing projects and other brick-and-mortar engagements. These have kept me off this blog for a while.

    Not that I got disinterested in writing, reading, and coding- a recent interest.

    Let me guess, you could be asking yourself what I’m reading now. Well, I have 3 books that I’m reading concurrently. But what has touched me most is one by Robert Uttaro.

    He narrates on rape survivors’ cases that many never get to know about. That’s a story for another day.

    I can almost hear you thinking about what my endpoint is.

    We are facing unprecedented times brought about by the Corona Virus–COVID-19. There is a concerted effort by governments the world over to contain the virus.

    Precautionary Measures in Place

    Many have put precautionary measures in place that are now obvious at the fingertips and lips of every sane human being.

    A few to mention include:

    • Washing your hands with soap and running water for 20 seconds.
    • Sneeze and Cough on a flexed elbow, handkerchief, or tissue paper.
    • Maintain social distancing, and avoid crowds.
    • Drink lots of water to keep your throat moist.
    • Avoid the handshake.
    • Sticking to plastic money and mobile money while avoiding cash transactions.

    Now, this is important.

    What lessons can we draw from the Corona pandemic hitting the world today?

    1. The Corona pandemic hitting the world is not the first and the last. Several others came with death in their wake and vanished. SoCorona is there for a seasonand will soon disappear.
    2. It’s not a disease tied to a particular race of people. So it’s not about a “Chinese virus” but a world pandemic threatening to sink planet earth.
    3. Health starts with you. So make sure you always maintain high hygiene levels. Exercise. Eat well and always go for routine checkups whether or not there is a Corona pandemic.
    4. Love is good, but the ones you love can be your downfall. Take care not to inflict your family with the virus.
    5. As human beings, we can give ourselves everything but not life. The creator, the God, is the only giver of life. Having neighbours is good, but alwaysknow your boundariesand learn to say NO.
    6. Alwayshave some savings aroundfor such unprecedented times.
    7. Catastrophic problemsunite the worldand make it go round.
    8. You can be flexible enough to work from home. This is my next post. Stay tuned.

    Final Thoughts

    World governments are facing hard times in containing the COVID-19 virus. And some with better resources are giving support to other governments. Case of China and Italy.

    The country’s economies will feel the bite. It has forced mainstream businesses to close to avoid overcrowding.

    But guess what your health is more important than the many things you are worried about. Just make sure you are staying safe and never say die.

  • A Call to Integrity in Society

    A Call to Integrity in Society

    What is your definition of integrity? And do you think integrity is something achievable or a mere pipe dream? For the society to embrace integrity, it calls for personal responsibility on your part and mine. The call to integrity fast starts with you.

    Once you get the gist of it, you have the responsibility of transferring it to your family. Family is the smallest unit of a society. From the family units, we can transfer integrity to the entire society fabric.

    A Friend’s Testimony on Integrity

    A wonderful friend whom I will call Jack once visited a learning institution armed with tender documents to seek a hand in the tender bidding process.

    Jack was born in Western Kenya but lives and makes his ends meet in Nairobi. Apparently, it wasn’t his business venture applying for the tender deal but his uncle’s.

    Jack was helping his uncle by dropping the application documents for tender at the designated institution.

    Jack walks into the institution in the mid-morning hours at about 9:00 AM. At the office where he is to submit the tender documents, he finds a line of other tenderpreneurs also lined up hoping to get a share of the pie.

    A Doctored Tender Process

    One by one, each person gets to go through the due process. Once they verify your documents, down you deposit your tender documents and off you leave.

    Like the lawful chap he is, Jack stands at the queue patiently till his turn comes. But he keeps having this eerie feeling something isn’t right.

    Given the social person he is, Jack immediately strikes a conversation with the tender officer and it suddenly hits the roof like they had known each other for ages.

    The Call to Integrity Dilemma

    Well, the typical Jack is known for being curious about things and about everything.

    Deep down, Jack feels the tender bidding process could all be a formality. He thinks the tender board will issue the tender out unilaterally to one applicant.

    All this is an internal monologue running in his mind until he pops up the question of the day to the tender officer.

    And on Jack goes, “Do you think the tender application process is fair and transparent?” The tender officer responds, “What do you expect?” He pauses. “Do you expect it to be fair?”

    He continues to which Jack responds to the contrary. Frankly, the tender officer gives Jack an answer to suggest that life is all about cutting corners and if you aren’t cutting any, then you are at the tail end.

    Until we see the call to integrity as a personal responsibility, we shall not achieve the war on eradicating it from society.

    To drive his point home, the officer pauses to Jack a question, “In campus, weren’t their guys who used to cheat during exams?”

    Jack responds in the affirmative but says he wasn’t among them. The officer then shoots him a question of comparison.

    “Where are they and where are you know?” Jack smiles at the question and maintains an honest path. Whatever their level of success or affluence they have, Jack insists he would still walk the honest path.

    In the mainstream media, news is not just news if it’s not bad news. For instance, dishonest headlines that affect our integrity have bedecked our news headlines in the recent past.

    Some headlines the media bombard us with include:

    “Government failing to halt upsurge in graft”

    “Rotich Corruption case a first in Kenya”

    “US blames corruption for slowing down foreign investment in Kenya.”

    For such a great nation like Kenya to lower down her values to this level, one is left wondering where the rains started beating us. Are our religious leaders zealous on the call to integrity in the society today.

    For such a great nation like Kenya to lower down her values to this level, one is left wondering where the rains started beating us.

    It’s only in 2017, that a report by Transparency international classified Kenyans as “willing to pay bribes to access key services.”

    The Integrity Issue in Society

    In our daily living, life floods us with many opportunities to lie, cheat, and steal.

    Unfortunately, moral values in our society today have decayed to the point of someone selling you meat laced with inhumane chemicals without having a pricked conscience.

    Today, the maxim is: steal, cheat, and lie as long as you don’t get caught. It’s like something only becomes wrong when you get caught.

    The milk vendor lies right to your face about how fresh their milk is. What about the cloth sewer who gives you empty promises on your cloth material?

    It has suddenly become very easy to speak the white lie without blinking an eye.

    What of the contractor who promises you pure gold on your building project only to deliver shoddiness?

    The dishonest culture is getting so deep that even the few good left are made to appear bad. Nevertheless, we should not relent to our call to integrity in society today.

    Similarly, promises nowadays are emptier and unfulfilled that any other time in history.

    What makes men today to find pleasure in being dishonest, lying, and give promises they know they wouldn’t deliver.

    Well, you could say they cutting corners to make ends meet, evade a tax regulation or they are on a get rich quick scheme. Above all else, they want to protect their interests.

    A Biblical Perspective

    Whatever background you come from or philosophies you hold onto, allow me to shift your perspective about the larger issue surrounding honesty and integrity.

    In the Bible, we had the nation of Israel that was once enslaved in North African country called Egypt.

    And when the good Lord had delivered them and set them free from their captors, they began their journey to the Promised Land.

    After much turbulence, oppositions and wars, the Israelites finally settled in the promised land.

    The Lord began setting new rules that would define and govern the birth and beginning of a new nation called Israel.

    That said, the Lord set 10 commandments for them. From the commandments, we see that the element of cheating, lying, and stealing do not fail to arise. Committing adultery, stealing, and bearing false witness against thy neighbor were all forbidden.

    Regrettably, society has got all these upside down. I know we are not living in a perfect world. Neither are Christians the only people in the world.

    However, the bottom line is, there have to be guiding principles that dictate or govern the moral fabric of society.

    For instance, if we get down to the using the Bible as our centerpiece, Jesus questions a dishonest steward in Luke 16;11-12. “So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?

    And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?

    Admittedly, if Christ were to ask this question again, a majority would fall guilty.

    The Million Dollar Call

    It’s high time we reevaluated our values and be honest. Another verse you would want to put into perspective is in the book of Luke 10:16.

    “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

    “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

    What is it you are looking for in life and you have less of it? The wisdom Christ dispenses here is that if you are faithful in the little, you have or in your stewardship over a little of something, he will entrust you with much more.

    My utmost appeal goes to our leaders and civil servants entrusted with enormous public resources.

    To the producers of goods and services and to every person who values personal relationships that we can make a fundamental change towards the honest path.

    Supporting the truth, even when it is unpopular, shows the capacity for honesty and integrity. Steve Brunkhorst

    Final Words

    Cutting corners could be the easiest thing to do. This is especially true when most of your friends and acquaintances have fallen short of the integrity bar. But I believe you are with me on this. Let’s push the integrity bar higher. The call to integrity is everybody’s responsibility.

  • Father’s Responsibility

    Father’s Responsibility

    Where did Father’s Miss the Mark?

    The question is not rhetorical. It needs answers. What is the father’s responsibility? Because many sons and daughters in society today lack fatherhood love.

    I listened with empathy to a local television program as young people lamented the lack of a father figure in their lives.

    It’s clear that many youths are asking plenty of questions about their fathers. Well, this begs the question, when did men abdicate their fathers’ responsibility?

    Of the hundreds of participants who participated in the program, a paltry 20% acknowledged the presence of a good father in their lives.

    The remaining 80% lamented their absentee fathers. Numbers don’t lie.

    My Childhood Experience

    Growing up, I knew my father would be the world’s best. As the teacher, discipline was the first virtue he instilled in us.

    To top that up, he was there for all of us, including my siblings and me. He endeavored to educate every one of us up to the university level.

    Similarly, dad would not spare the rod when he had to put it to good use. Well, at that young age, I felt this was an unfair punishment.

    More disturbing was the fact that we could all carry the blame for the mistake of the one mischievous chap and get an equal number of lashes.

    The Fruits

    Going back down memory lane, I now see why dad had to instill discipline in us. Over the years, I have reaped the fruits of being disciplined in my life. Not necessarily to the authority figures in my life, but to my personal life as well.

    If there is one thing I’m grateful to dad for, it’s the culture of reading he nurtured in me.

    By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong

    Charles Wadsworth

    Reading and writing became part and parcel of my life at quite an early age. If I remember, I read the long outdated “Hallo Children” English course book for lower primary for countless days.

    I also read a lot of short novels, such as the “Moses series” and in there the so-called Mukibi Institute of the sons of African gentlemen by Barbara Kimenye. God rest her soul in peace.

    Getting out of bed, even before breakfast, I could get down to reading out loud whatever material was at my disposal.

    Dad would be there to admonish me to go on. Isn’t this what you would call a father’s responsibility?

    Dad would be there to admonish me to go on. Isn’t this what you would call a father’s responsibility?

    All newspapers that dad bought and read could ultimately find a way into my hands.

    Train your Child at an Early Age

    In the Bible, we read about training a child on how he should go, and he will never depart from it.

    Today, I’m a living testimony of the statement above. I read a myriad of materials on end.

    The Amazon Kindle app is now an excellent companion. Still buying books in there and counting.

    I’m currently reading “The Man in the Mirror” by Patrick Morley, and my next book in line is “Money Master the Game” by Tony Robbins.

    One common informal saying goes that if you want to hide something from them that they don’t read, hide it inside the pages of a book.

    I don’t know whether this is true or factual, but many find it difficult to focus on a book for hours.

    I have been through school. One thing I have realized about life is that you don’t study it by going to school but through personal reading.

    Consider this, or else you are losing it. To master life, study it by reading the great minds of the men and women who lived before you.

    To master life, study it by reading the great minds of the men and women who lived before you.

    Irresponsible Fathers

    That said, lately, the trend of irresponsible and absentee fathers is becoming common.

    It is a warring trend and a bomb that has exploded already. From the program aired live on TV, the speakers in attendance clarified that three types of fathers exist in the fatherhood crisis.

    Children today are victims of being “under fathered,” “misfathered,” and “unfathered.”

    Under fathered to mean little of dad at home, always at work. He only shows up for a short time and leaves.

    Going by the research done on fathers, many participants lamented the fact that their dads could only spend 18 minutes or less with their families.

    About being “misfathered,” many talked about the lack of parental love and an abusive, violent, and uncaring dad.

    Just like the first two, “Unfathered” participants complained about not knowing their dads.

    In all these scenarios, society needs to ask some tough questions regarding fathers and what is becoming of young men who have not experienced the presence of a father in their lives. This is a different case if they lost their dads at a young age because of death.

    Are Mothers to Blame?

    Is it possible that mothers could also contribute to the lack of a father’s responsibility?

    Take, for example, mothers who cannot reveal the identity of their husbands to their children. Such actions by mothers could stem from the fact that they may have gotten the child in question in a harrowing way, like rape.

    Alternatively, the father may have neglected the upbringing of the child.

    Parents are responsible for taking care of their kids emotionally, mentally, physically and more so in the ways of God.

    Nonetheless, I will talk about Jonathan Edwards. He is an 18th-century American revivalist preacher.

    He gives an excellent example of what it means to be a great father and parent.

    Tracing his children and grandchildren, the American Educator A.E Winship discovered new statistics about his descendants of Jonathan 150 years later after his death.

    Out of his descendants. There was:

    • 1 U.S vice president
    • 3 U.S senators
    • Three governors
    • Three mayors
    • 13 college presidents
    • 30 judges
    • 65 professors
    • 80 public office holders
    • 100 lawyers
    • 100 missionaries

    One hundred fifty years after you cease to exist, what legacy would you want to leave behind in your family?

    As millennials, can we make a vow to nurture our children in the right ways and give them the best love a father could ever give?

    In contrast to Jonathan, Edwards’s life was lived by Max Jukes. Max Jukes left behind a horrible legacy after his death, thanks to his wayward descendants. He had:

    • Seven murderers
    • 60 thieves
    • 50 women of debauchery
    • 130 other convicts
    • 310 paupers
    • 400 physically wrecked by indulgent living

    Can we make a vow as millennials to nurture our children in the right ways and give them the best love a father could ever give?

    Bottom Line

    To solve the fatherhood crisis in society today, we must accept that it is a present challenge in the community today.

    Many are suffering as a result. However, all is not lost. If a victim of the fatherhood crisis, you need not dwell on what you are missing.

    Dwell on what you already have. Have an attitude of gratitude. Personally, own up to your situation and take time to heal as you seek to accept and forgive your dad.

    In the same way, the government and like-minded institutions should avail mentors in schools. They will be handy in offering emotional and mental support to students dealing with the fatherhood crisis.

    Men! It’s time to stand up and take the father’s responsibility over your children.

    If you want to voice your opinions on this issue, leave a comment in the comments section below.

  • The Road of Life: Where Are You Heading to?

    The Road of Life: Where Are You Heading to?

    The other day I was driving down this familiar road that appeared entirely new because I had taken a long to pass through it. Interestingly, nothing was fascinating about it: broken culverts, gaping potholes, and common drainage issues. However, I do not want to talk about physical roads today. Why don’t we discuss the road of life?

    The Enormous Question

    What is it that comes to your mind when you hear about the road of life? If you are reading this piece, you must be on a journey that has an ultimate destination with several goals in between.

    Alternatively, you could walk through several routes converging at the same point. Well, I even don’t know whether the statement above makes sense itself. But the fact is; eventually, you want to be somewhere in life if you are of a sound mind.

    Greatness is in all of us

    One pure truth about life is that everyone born of a mother under the sun has an inherent desire to be great. And some driven by vice have used crude methods to get to the top. Isn’t it true that some of our political leaders have killed and exiled their rivals and political opponents to get to the top? Well, you may say you fight for power and don’t beg it, but no one has the right to take away life.

    One pure truth about life is that everyone born of a mother under the sun has an inherent desire to be great

    Job Kiniale

    What’s your view of success/greatness?

    If you are still there, I want to talk partly about my experience in the Kenya Education system 8.4.4. Has not education played a major role in shaping our lives? Whether or not you went through it? There must be one or two things you learnt from it.

    When I was in primary school, pupils who had done their last exams and left; probably joined national schools would come back visiting. We used to revere them and see them as our heroes because they achieved what we hadn’t.

    We viewed them with awe and admiration and imagined the wonderful life they were leading in national schools. Our teachers could celebrate them, telling us to be like so and so.

    Oblivious to us, they were also the typical high school students on a life journey with the core desire to make their lives more meaningful. Back in primary school, we imagined an excellent experience in a prestigious national school after that. Time passed, and the lucky ones like me (or should someone else be saying this) found themselves in high school.

    Know things for What they are

    We realized high school wasn’t a bed of roses either. Primary school was a walkover. In my case, mine was an excellent performing provincial school whose promotion to a national school was long overdue.

    They deemed the school among the best in Western Kenya under the leadership of the head teacher we had nicknamed “Jeshi”. In high school, it was survival for the fittest.

    A series of CATS, assignments, and quizzes. We met poor performance with some hard lashes on our sitting apparatus, and our teachers would threaten us with repeating classes.

    So this is what the heroes we revered in our primary school days went through? The food was not much different from the one we used to consume with relish back in primary school but was better in my opinion.

    Failed Expectations

    Over time, I watched as guys gave up when things became tough. Some stricter subjects like Mathematics, physics, and chemistry proved to be a tall order for many.

    In primary school, for instance, you could gamble with multiple choices and scoop 97/100%. If you have been through the Kenya 8.4.4. In the education system, you must relate to this.

    I wouldn’t want to talk about myself here lest I brag or get biased. Add to the indiscipline cases that bedeviled the crooked ones.

    As a high school student, the word expulsion or getting expelled was so dreary that thinking about it would send chills down my spine. Actually, to a high school student, it was like your life had ended abruptly.

    While going home after getting expelled or suspended, you needed to think hard to fabricate lies that you would use to convince your parents why you were out of school or otherwise, your goose would be cooked.

    And what were the villagers expected to think of you? After hearing the son of so and so joined high school and is now passing the time at home.

    Many guys we schooled with in primary school got expelled or suspended indefinitely for many indiscipline cases.

    The lucky ones would get suspended for two weeks, get back, and write course notes for missed classes. However, the worst would await them.

    If students had done any exams during their suspension period, it means they would rank bottom, and “Jeshi” would shame them during the academic parade.

    In the wildest of our dreams in primary school, this is not the life we had dreamt of or envisioned.

    The Good Memories

    On the flip side, there was the fun part of it. Graduating from putting on shorts to trousers. Writing letters to girls and interacting with them. Entertainment on weekends and abrupt changes with something delicious on the menu.

    Also, not forgetting games, Mathematics contests, Science Congress, Drama and music fests, and many other co-curricular events.

    In high school, we had revered visitors who could stop by for their teaching practice. Talking of an AGM, a complete bull would go down for parents’ lunch. The dining hall would instantly become a no-go zone for students.

    Source of Hope

    Among the revered visitors were the old boys who would motivate us to work hard. We would find great relief in listening to them, not because they were talented speakers but because they had gone through the system.

    In them, we found the hope to join University via the government program called JAB–Joint Admissions Board, known as KUCCPS.

    We also saw superheroes, role models, and guys who were already making it. To us, these were making it on the road of life. Looking back, I imagine the life struggles they also faced even though they appeared as heroes in our sight.

    Now, I had this fairy picture of a university. I imagined a place where young adults were well-behaved, disciplined, focused, go-getters, and all the positive words you can think of.

    Well, but wait till you visit the washrooms. Hahaha. Wait till you go for student elections! People would get stupid, forget about ideologies and primitively go tribal.

    Add to the injury, the many tribal associations still exist within our campuses. Ooh! Kitwek Student Association! What for!!? Students would speak vernacular in some of these meetings. I thought we derived the name university from the adverb universal. Don’t we?

    Logically, this would be expected regarding student elections. Weren’t their sponsors the same tribal kingpins we see in parliament buildings?

    A friend once mentioned how University thwarted his expectations.

    To him, the university was a citadel of research, where guys were immersed in research on several topics. Shockingly for him, it was an endless journey of lectures, the same handouts, and exams.

    The White Lie

    Talking from the eyes of a Kenyan graduate University wasn’t a walk in the park as our high school teachers would want us to believe.

    If you burned your Chemistry book after your final exam imagining Chemistry was over, you would be in for a rude shock. Science-based courses still had elements of Chemistry and biology in the first year.

    Freedom was at its peak on campus, and you had to learn discipline, manage your time, money, and foodstuffs.

    Come exam time; people would read and study like there was no tomorrow. Even the best of jokers would seclude themselves and get down to business.

    Apparently, at every stage of life, the Darwinian selection theory applies. By the fourth year, some chaps we began with were missing for myriad reasons. A proof of the fact that every stage on the road of life has lessons to offer.

    Some reasons, such as having no school fees, were rather pathetic. However, cases of indiscipline, missing classes on end and getting pregnant along the way would make life difficult for many.

    The Situation as it is

    Four years later, everyone was out again, and we mingled through social media and WhatsApp groups.

    Some came out married, others engaged, and some marriage was a distant dream far away. Still, when joining, others came from the North but left going South in search of greener pastures.

    Others lingered for a while, perhaps waiting for a sign from God knows where.

    For those who were partly students and partly engaged in businesses, it was merely a matter of transitioning from being a part-time student to a full-time business.

    To them, education was a tool for relevancy, but they appeared to have their lives figured out already.

    As of writing this, it’s another four years since campus. Time seems to have moved fast but with minor changes.

    Young families are still coming up. Some saw the need to advance their education and returned to it again. Interestingly, a few unheard-of chaps have taken the world by storm.

    They now driving gigantic machines and living a life that would only amount to wishes and dreams at our age.

    You would think because they live largely, they would be quick to lift and support others. But nothing could be further from the truth.

    Success is a process. You get to apply for jobs and not even get a regret email. You try a business, it somehow cannot see the end of the year. You try relationships; you get some rough rides before a soft landing.

    You would think because of them living large, they would be quick to lift and support others down the ladder. But nothing could be further from the truth. Success is a process. You get to apply for jobs and not even get a regret email. You try business it somehow cannot see the end of the year. You try relationships; you get some rough rides before a soft landing.

    Now to somebody who has achieved some sense of significance without going through breaking a sweat, the need or the heart to help may not even exist.

    Some who had relatives and friends in prominent places knew they had well cut out their road of life only for matters to take a downward spiral.

    The Big Questions

    Essentially, the big question to ask ourselves is, where are we walking on this road of life? Why all the toil and sacrifice? Is it worth it? Is there a crown awaiting you at the other end of the tunnel?

    Is it to disapprove of people who never believed in you, or what fuels you to keep walking? What meaning or significance are you looking for in life? At the end of your journey, what do you want people to remember you for?

    That you paid school fees for orphans or built and lived in the most expensive house? Let me know in the comments below.

    Bottom Line

    Strictly speaking, things could differ from reality, however much you may think someone is living the best of life. As I wrap this up, it’s more important to know where you are heading on the road of life than just dragging yourself by.

  • How to Raise a Child Alone

    How to Raise a Child Alone

    Raising a child alone can be very demanding. When it comes to single motherhood, you may feel like you are not the best parent to your son.

    Sometimes, you may consult people on how to be the best single parent or figure it out on your own.

    Currently, many single parents have not discovered the best ways to raise their children.

    There is no need to worry; I will guide you on the best ways to raise your child despite being a single mom.

    Adapting between dating and single parenting

    As a young single mom, you may find yourself dating in pursuit of true love. When you are dating, do you consider the impact your child will get once you introduce the romantic partner to him/ her?

    This is one crucial thing that many single parents fail to address. Before you introduce your partner to the kid, ensure that you have established a solid relationship with your partner.

    Furthermore, ensure to get a partner who will treat your child with admirable respect.

    Once you have established a strong relationship and are on good terms with the partner, the next step is to tell your child about his personality. This will enable the child to know more about him and establish trust between you and the child.

    Have a parent-child talk about divorce or separation

    Apart from losing a partner through death, numerous single moms may have divorced or separated from their partners.

    If this may be the case, have a pep talk with your child about the changes that have taken place.

    Also, ensure to remind your child she is not the cause of the separation and bring assurance that you love him or her very much.

    Besides, listen to what the child feels about the divorce and try to answer all her questions as honestly as possible.

    In addition to that, avoid bringing out the negative side of your partner. In recent research, children fare best in divorced marriages when parents have frequented communications on co-parenting.

    You can always organize meetups, video calls or something that will help the child to be raised in the best way possible.

    Avoid bringing out the negative side of your partner

    Set a Positive Model

    To raise a child alone takes sacrifice, determination, and persistence.

    Once you have all these and embrace them to the maximum, your virtues will always inspire your child. They will always be determined to be the best in whatever they do.

    Have a set of Household Established Rules

    When making rules, ensure that they are short and easy to understand. Children need short and simple rules that you should define well.

    This will also help your kids to gain focus on what to do than giving them long lists of what they should avoid.

    If you want them not to do something, tell them by mouth, and give them the consequences but not in a threatening tone.

    Always be accessible when the child needs you.

    As a single parent, ensure that you can always give help to your child. This applies whether he or she needs it.

    You can always ask how he faired in school, check his homework and help him where he needs correction.

    The child may also be involved in extra-curriculum activities. You should always support by attending all the games or anything apart from curriculum matters.

    This will motivate the child to grow positive, knowing there is a parent bringing a positive impact on their life.

    Visit a Counsellor Occasionally

    Raising a child alone can make you feel depressed and confused about how to raise the child.

    Some single moms emulate what other parents are doing to their children; thus, they do things that may not influence the child positively.

    As a single parent, you can visit a counselor to get some advice and learn how to raise your kid accordingly.

    Rethink how you have been performing as a single parent

    At one point, you may ask yourself questions like, “Am I doing the best for my child?”, “How have I been performing?”.

    Put another way; such questions help set standards that you may plan to achieve as a single mom.

    Once you know the past of your single parenthood, it will be easy to set goals and aim to do what you have not done so far.

    Successful single parents always do this simple trick, and the child turns out to be well raised and have a good picture in the community.

    Have Respect for your Child

    Being a single parent can be hectic. You may have repeated arguments with your child, which may lead him or her to acquire a negative mindset.

    To top that up, some parents may be overprotective of their children. This may lead to the child feeling demoralized and denied the chance to make new friends.

    Also, this denies them the chance to create a stronger bond with their old friends.

    As a parent, you should have respect for the child. This can be achieved by always listening to their demands and addressing them accordingly and avoiding quarrels before knowing the child’s reason for doing a certain mistake.

    Show your Family that you are a good Single Parent

    Family members will always monitor you and the child to know the progress.

    As a single mom, the aim will be to show your relatives you are making progress as a single mother.

    To achieve this, you need to show your child maximum care, love, and support.

    Concerning that, do not pretend to be nice to your child when being around your family.

    The child can think on his or her own, and he or she will notice this. As the child grows up, you notice that their respect and love for you is fading with time.

    You will remember the fake care and support you gave to the child. Unfortunately for you, it might be too late to mend fences.

    Bottom Line

    Raising a child alone can be hectic. This means being a mother and partly a father to your lovely son or daughter.

    However, with the right mindset and attitude, no one will separate the love and bond between a single mom and her child if everything is done right.

  • 6 Ways to Discipline your Child without Provoking them

    6 Ways to Discipline your Child without Provoking them

    Discipline is a substantial key when raising your child. The forms of discipline determine how the child’s attitude will come out once he grows up.

    Many parents worldwide discipline their children according to how their own parents disciplined them.

    Parents and guardians should stop this mistake. We should discipline in the smartest way so that the child learns from their mistake and not provoke them simultaneously.

    Scripture Perspective on “Discipline your Child without Provoking them.”

    Let’s look at some scriptures from the Bible about child discipline: Ephesians. 6:4 (English Standard Version)

    4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

    Let’s also look at another key verse from Colossians 3:21 (English Standard Version)

    Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

    As you will notice, the writer of the verses refers to Fathers, but it should not escape the reader that the verses are addressing both parents.

    So whether you are a mother or a father, you can learn how to discipline your child without provoking them.

    Are there times your child was angry at you because you provoked them? What did you do to cause the provocation? Children, in certain times, are justified in having holy anger towards us.

    I justify holy because they are mad at you, their parent.

    Provoking your child will only accumulate to stressful days when the child grows up. I will guide you through some key steps on how to discipline your child without provoking them.

    1) Have Realistic Expectations

    Parents and Guardians tend to expect too much from their children. For example, the child may not be superior at academic work but excellent at playing football. The parent will always pressure the child to perform well in academic work and sometimes punish the child severely for poor grades. This is a crucial part where most parents fail to put much concern. The child will undergo a series of scolding by the parent. After some time, he will feel provoked. This is where his/ her discipline tends to depreciate. The more the child will be provoked, especially at a young age, they will gain hatred for the parent, which may lead to a catastrophe.

    The more the child will be provoked, especially at a young age he/ she will gain hatred upon the parent and may lead to a catastrophe.

    The parent should have realistic expectations in that if the child is not doing well in school or given any task, a more formidable way of discipline should be used. The parent should not punish the child for unreachable expectations but rather have a positive attitude towards the child and offer moral support.

    Set expectations that the child may achieve and increase the level of expectations with time. You will notice that the child will gain appropriate discipline and will not be provoked

    2) Avoid Constantly bringing out Faults

    Children have a belief that their parents give them absolute love. When they are young, you as a parent should avoid rebuking them for every mistake they make. They will obviously get angry and then feel provoked. If the faults keep being brought up, the child will somehow start losing the unconditional love they once had for the parent. The child will be angry and aggravated. As a parent, you should gain a positive form of criticism for the faults caused by the child. Having a positive way of disciplining the child will also avoid seeing petty mistakes and always bringing up faults.

    3) Choose your Battles Wisely

    As a parent, you should not always pick out minor arguments with your child all the time. For example, you set a curfew, and the child comes home late.

    You will get mad and punish the child. These small battles should be addressed in more of an affirmative manner.

    Issue out a warning if the child fails to maintain discipline. If he/she does it for the second time, have small talk. If the issue is repeated consistently, then the appropriate way is to combine efforts with both parents and some of your friends.

    It may seem intimidating to the child, but in the end, the child will learn from their mistake. Picking battles with them most of the time provokes their reputation and diminishes their discipline.

    4) Comparing your Child to others is a Way of Provoking them

    Your child may seem not to fit in terms of many activities, which other children tend to do well than them.

    By doing so you will feel obliged to pressure your child to become like the other kids. This is a common mistake among many parents at this age.

    The parent will think that putting pressure on the child is a way of motivating them. It provokes the child, and he/she loses discipline and morals.

    As a parent, identify what the child does best; it can be unique from what you compare with other kids.

    By doing so, the child will be motivated to achieve their goals and maintain high standards of discipline.

    5) Think about the Outcome of Provoking your Child

    What are the consequences if you pick on your child all the time? The child will feel irrational. As a parent, you may think you are giving them discipline, but the child, in the actual sense, is gaining nothing from the correction.

    Think of an outcome that may have a positive impact on the child.

    As much as you want to discipline your child, you also want to establish a strong relationship with the kid.

    So having to think about the outcome will aid in avoiding provoking the child and maintaining high standards of discipline.

    6) Be Calm before Dealing with a Discipline Issue

    Cases of parents beating their children, giving them severe injuries and also children injuring their parents have been common recently.

    A parent picks out an argument with the child; this provokes the child they end up committing a crime.

    It is so sad for such an image to be displayed because of provoking the child. If a discipline issue pops up, do not start spanking the child. Listen to his or her story of what made them become indisciplined.

    After listening, have a civilized way of communication and don’t raise your voice to an extent you piss the child off.

    By doing so, you will have disciplined the child by using appropriate communication skills hence avoiding a catastrophe.

    The Bottom Line

    It is very important to use an ideal form to discipline your child without provoking them as a parent.

    According to the Bible verses in Colossians and Ephesians, discipline and instruction are necessary without provocation.

    The child has a sensitive way of responding to things. For discipline matters, parents must have a formidable way of ensuring the child has lofty standards of discipline.

    Also, maintain a positive attitude in their minds. The child will grow up having high standards of discipline and fewer chances of being provoked by anyone.