Motivation Parlour

Category: Love and Romance

How to Walk Out of a Toxic Relationship if You Still Love them
What does it mean to walk out of a toxic relationship?
“A toxic relationship is one in which one person comes to dominate the other with severe consequences.”
“A toxic relationship is a destructive, self-defeating and abusive situation in which you feel trapped and unable to leave.”
When someone you love is abusive to you, it’s tough to walk away. You may be scared, confused, and unsure of how to respond. You might think that leaving will cause more harm than good.
It can be hard to let go of someone who has meant so much in your life, perhaps even more so than your parents or siblings. However, staying in a toxic relationship can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
You may have tried everything possible to make things work between you, but nothing seems to help. Perhaps every time something happens, it’s your fault or another issue that needs fixing before things improve again.”If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my tendency not to get angry when things don’t go right.”
It’s easy to romanticize the idea of walking away from a bad one. It’s easier to believe that you can fix things, turn back time, and improve everything. But the reality is that trying to salvage a toxic relationship is often worse than ending it in the first place.
Trauma bonds people together in ways that mere friendship can’t match. When you’ve been traumatized, your brain responds as if you were experiencing the trauma again, even when you’re not. For some people, this means they need someone who’ll be there for them when they’re having an episode and who will care enough about them to help them out of it when they’re having one.
The problem with trying to rescue a toxic relationship is that most people have no idea what they’re dealing with until it’s too late. If you’ve put up with abuse for years before realizing how bad things have gotten, the chances are that your partner won’t either unless some significant changes occur first, which might take years or even decades for some couples.
Toxic relationships are often characterized by:
- A sense of entitlement in one person or both partners
- Controlling behaviors that force victims into submission and make them feel powerless
- Unreasonable expectations for perfectionism in all areas of life (e.g., work)
- Criticism and blame when things go wrong
- Constant criticizing or blaming of others.
How To Let Go Of A Toxic Partner After Break Up
The first thing to do when you’re in a toxic relationship is to recognize that it’s unhealthy.
You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells, but it’s time to get out if your partner constantly pushes your buttons.
You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself or makes your life miserable. You deserve better than that.
Walking away from a toxic relationship can feel like walking into the unknown. But this is not the case. You can walk away from a toxic relationship and be just fine.
The first step to ending a toxic relationship is recognizing it for what it is. Toxic relationships cause psychological damage, emotional harm, and even physical danger. They often start with minor signs of trouble but grow much worse over time until the victim has no other option but to leave.
The hardest part about breaking up with someone is knowing when to say goodbye. You want to leave as cleanly as possible without hurting your partner’s feelings or making them suffer. We’ve all been there; the person you love can be so toxic that it’s sometimes difficult to see past their negative energy and act on your happiness.
But how do you know when it’s time to cut ties? There are many signs and symptoms of someone toxic in your life, whether they’re the person who constantly nags you, the one who always cheats on you, or even the one who doesn’t believe in monogamy.
Top Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship
Knowing how to spot a toxic relationship is essential, so you don’t stay in one for too long. Here are some signs:
- You get jealous easily
- You always put yourself down
- You don’t trust your intuition
- You feel like you’re not good enough
- You feel like you’re being taken advantage of or used by your partner
- Your partner puts other people before you
- Your partner constantly belittles or criticizes you or blames other people for their problems
- Your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, for example; they won’t listen when you ask them not to contact someone who’s been bothering them
- Your partner encourages aggressive behavior from others (such as denial or aggression)
- Your partner belittles your talents or abilities
What To Do If You Are Having Trouble Leaving A Toxic Relationship
If you are in a toxic relationship, it can be tough to leave. You may feel like you are trapped and have no way out. If you do decide to go, there are some things that you should know about how to break up with someone toxic.
1. Don’t try to break up with them yourself
You don’t want to do this on your own; this will only cause more drama for yourself, which will make it more difficult for you to move on. Please talk with your partner first and ensure they understand that this is what needs to happen before doing anything else.
2. Please don’t get mad at them
You need to understand that they may not know better than you or intend to change their behavior or attitude towards you if they don’t feel like it’s going well between you. It means that if your partner doesn’t want out of the relationship either, there is nothing much you can do about it without causing unnecessary stress on both sides of the equation (especially if the person is an addict).

3. Make sure they understand why things aren’t working out
Communicate honestly and openly with your partner, even when you don’t feel like doing so. Your partner may not be willing or able to do this at first, but with time and patience, they’ll come around and understand that honesty is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.
4. Be honest with yourself about what’s wrong in the relationship.
If you can’t bring yourself to confront your partner about the problems in their behavior, then bring it up with someone outside of the relationship who has no stake in seeing things improve. Don’t keep things bottled up inside; it’ll only worsen things.
5. Don’t try to fix the person.
It is unlikely that your partner will change if you are in a toxic relationship. You may think you can fix them, but this will only worsen things. Instead of trying to change your partner, focus on yourself and what you need from the relationship.
6. Don’t be afraid to get help.
If you are in a toxic relationship with someone else, it’s okay to ask for help from friends and family members. They can help you decide how to move forward with your life and break up with someone toxic.
7. Focus on yourself first.
To be successful at breaking up with someone toxic, there needs to be a strong foundation built first: self-love and self-care. These are essential to leaving an unhealthy relationship or situation without feeling hurt or taking things personally.
Is It Bad To Walk Out Of A Toxic Relationship
There are many reasons why it’s important to walk out of a toxic relationship, and the first is that it’s never too late. You may even be in one right now! We’ve all heard the saying “the early bird gets the worm” or “the second mouse gets the cheese.” The same principle applies to toxic relationships: The sooner you leave, the better off you’ll be.

Another reason why it’s okay to walk out of a toxic relationship is that you’re not obligated to stay anyway. If your partner is abusive or verbally abusive, it’s beautiful to say “no” and walk away. If they’re emotionally abusive (calling you names), they might even have difficulty recovering from their behavior once they know they’ve crossed the line.
Finally, there are several reasons why walking out of a toxic relationship can help your mental and physical health. Such as by leaving an unhealthy relationship early on, you can avoid becoming emotionally involved with someone who doesn’t deserve that kind of attention from you.
Conclusion
Realize that everyone deserves a chance and a future. Instead of tearing you down, no matter how much or how little that person has been there for you in the past, let them be and give them the freedom to find their happiness. You’re made for better things than to die loving someone incapable of loving you. Remember, it’s not what you love about the other person; it’s who you love. It’s okay to let that person go; for however much they deserve any happiness, so do you.
I’m not sure what the moral of this story is, but I know that it is essential to be open to all the possibilities in life and not be afraid to let go of what you think is ‘the one.’ The grass really can be greener on the other side. Relationships are about growth and change, so embrace them for your greater good.
14/07/2022
Honest Relationship: Proven Tips Beginner Couples Should Know
What entails an honest relationship? And if you have caught yourself lying in a relationship, what triggered the lie?
Ideally, everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to practice the virtue of honesty in their relationships. As you read this piece, take a moment right now, and examine your relationship.
Do you think you have been honest with your partner? From childhood to adulthood, our parents taught us that lying is bad.
An honest relationship entails being honest with your partner at all times. By being open to each other, you create a loving environment that is healthy and long-lasting.
According to DePaulo, author of the book Detection of Lies in Forensic Concepts, people perceive individuals with the highest number of lies as irresponsible, manipulative, and hyper-conscious of other people’s thoughts.
Besides, they are more extroverted than people who tell fewer lies. Between you and your partner, who lies the most? You know the answer best.
Keeping Things Honest in Your Relationship
Pexels
Honesty in a relationship entails being authentic and transparent with your partner on issues, including the ones you feel are most insignificant.
We live in a real world, and it helps when you are more real than living in fantasy.
It’s understandable that you all come from different backgrounds, and each has their own perception of life.
For you to build a thriving relationship, it’s important that you share your different perceptions and build one out of the two.
To achieve an honest relationship, you and your partner must implement important practices that involve speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information, and never intentionally misleading them from the truth.
Why Practise an Honest Relationship?
Photo by Mikhail Nilov
I will be straight to the point: It’s the only way you can have an intense and intimate relationship with someone.
Relationships that thrive on lies seldom last for long; if they do, it takes a lot of effort to regain trust.
Also, for the two of you to build a meaningful relationship full of trust, honesty has to be part of the foundation. A simple way for someone to trust you is to show that you can be honest with them.
Anyone in a functional relationship will attest to the fact that a healthy relationship comes from building and maintaining open and honest communication with your significant other.
At this point, it’s important to mention that you will also have to exercise discretion as you attempt to be an honest partner in your relationship. Being honest shouldn’t make you rude, unkind, or insensitive to the truth.
What Honesty is Not
Truth sometimes hurts, and you shouldn’t use it intentionally to harm your partner. You can package and deliver it more sensibly.
Now, honesty is not revealing everything you feel and think. Because you feel your friend or acquaintance is hotter than your partner, you will not tell them, won’t you?
Be truthfully honest and not brutally honest. I’m learning this myself.
Similarly, you may have issues you feel not comfortable bringing them out to your partner. It’s okay to feel that way; however, you must let them understand your feelings.
They will understand you better and put you at ease talking about it.
There should be no secrets in an honest relationship. That’s what marriage counsellors keep telling us repeatedly. But as a partner in the relationship, you may have confidential information from a third party that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your partner.
It’s important that you share your concerns with your partner and let them understand why the information you have is confidential.
The Three Forms of Lies: White, Real, and Gray
According to Erin M. Bryant (Trinity University,2008), there are three types of lies: The white lie, the Real, and the Gray. Of the three, the white lie is the most common.
According to the research, white lies lack malicious intent, and people often use them with benevolent intent or to convey a partial truth.
For instance, you could be sick and resting, but you tell your partner you aren’t to prevent them from worrying. White lies have trivial consequences, and people always prefer using them because they find them harmless.
A similar case could be when the wife tells the husband she enjoyed his meal because she knows there will be no consequences.
What about grey lies? These are beyond white lies, hmmm? But you can’t categorize them as actual lies yet. On the same knot, you can’t use the parameters you used to define white lies to define the grey ones.
Let’s break down grey lies into two categories: Ambiguous and justifiable grey lies.
Ambiguous grey lies are completely false, but you could use them to help someone. For example, telling your boss or employer a full-blown lie to cover your colleague.
So they have grey areas because to one party, it could be a lie, while to the other party, it isn’t. In the case of justifiable lies, they could be real lies but justified for certain reasons.
A justifiable lie is one you completely fabricate to protect yourself or the other person from dire consequences. In the context of a romantic relationship, what do you think could qualify as a perfect example? 🙂
According to Byrant, Real lies are “unacceptable lies that are malicious, self-serving, complete fabrications of the truth, that hold serious consequences.”
Let’s face it, as humans, we are prone to mistakes and use these lie types unknowingly to cover our asses. The question is, which of the three types of lies and consequences are you and your partner comfortable living with?
Think about it as you navigate your honest relationship journey.
How to Practise Honest Relationships
1. Express How You Feel
Which is easier? Expressing how you feel or bottling yourself up? It does you more good than harm when you speak rather than shut up. Honest communication with your partner saves them the trouble of second-guessing your thoughts or next move.
Sometimes men find it difficult to express themselves. You say, “I would rather avoid confrontation.”
Well, speaking up does not outright lead to confrontation. It’s healthier for you, as it will help you avoid resenting your partner and forming a history lesson.
Have you ever reminded your partner what he/she did a year back? They may never be in a position to answer because they never remember the nitty-gritty of the event. It helps always to express how you feel.
2. Communicate Effectively
Open, honest communication is good but effective communication is far much better. To communicate effectively and understand the feelings and thoughts of your partner better:
- Make use of “I” statements
- Be clear about your thoughts and feelings
- Be open-minded
- Avoid defensive listening
- Validate each other’s feelings
3. Know Yourself
To practice honesty better, it pays to understand yourself. You won’t be good at maintaining an honest relationship if you don’t know about yourself. Take a step back and separate yourself from people’s opinions and the perception of society on you.
If, by any chance, you embraced a harmful personality that doesn’t reflect you, then you need to drop it to be honest about your relationship with your partner.
Conclusion
An honest relationship is achievable. If you are a young couple just starting out, embrace honest practices in your union, and your relationship will go far.
Everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to put in the hard work that reflects virtue.
Regarding honesty in your relationship, practice honesty by speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information, and not misleading your partner about the truth.
If you found this piece helpful or feel you want to put your thoughts into it, let me know in the comments below.
06/11/2020
Is the Marriage Institution Under Siege? (Part 2)
Previously in an earlier post, I talked about how the young and unmarried in society are being fed bad and negative information concerning marriage. The end result is that the young start seeing marriage as a no-go zone but an institution riddled with infidelity, divorce, and violence.
You need to look at God’s original plan for marriage before you choose to walk down that path.
In fact, some have argued that marriage goes against the natural instincts of man. But surely, shouldn’t there be a guiding principle about human romantic relationships?
About a week ago, I happened to attend a men’s seminar. The topic of marriage took center stage with the men spewing a tirade of complaints about their significant other not being up to the task.
Some of the complaints men mentioned included:
- Poor hygiene; this was highly blamed on young mothers who leave the young ones to urinate on the master bed or sofa.
- Short notice on matters that need urgent attention for example when foodstuffs in the house are depleted
- Sharing of responsibilities in the house; one participant narrated how a man was humiliated by his wife after she sent their son to go ask him to go prepare the evening meal. Their son presented the request to his dad while in the company of other men. It is needless to say it was so embarrassing to the man ( It was evident that in this home, there was a duty roaster for preparing meals)
- Men also complained how their women are not quick to dress the way they want them to which forces them to satisfy their eyes on other women.
That said, you need to understand that every marriage has its own fights that can be very well managed and these are just some that were mentioned by men who attended the above-mentioned seminar.
Listening keenly to the proceedings of the said day, it was apparent to me that many factors come in to play about how issues are handled in a marriage.
Factors that came to mind include;
- Your spouse level of education
- Their relationship with God
- Their level of maturity
- How well spouses know each other. It is possible that two people could be living together yet do not know each other.
A few men in the seminar had also been accompanied by their wives. Being women, they were on the receiving end of the day’s discussions and could not bring themselves to merely listen but had to voice their side of things too.
Some women complained that the men always have high expectations and demand too much from them. Are they justified?
At one point, we all went back to the drawing board, the Bible, in the book of Genesis 2.20 where God dialogues about creating a suitable helper for man.
While we all agreed that woman was created as a helper and companion to man; which means man can handle virtually every responsibility in the home except for child delivery and breastfeeding a line had to be drawn between what responsibilities the man and woman should manage in the house.
However, love knows no limits and many couples are known to go beyond this cut out responsibilities in the name of love. Besides, physical complications or sickness could also rub off the line on the issue of duties.
African Traditional Culture, clearly differentiated responsibilities between the boy and the girl child. Boys were raised to take on roles that demanded a lot of physical energy and bravery such as digging, building, hunting and taking care of livestock.
On the other hand, the girl child was raised to be a woman of virtue and take responsibility in the home. Some of the duties they undertook included preparing meals, fetching water and firewood, cleaning among other responsibilities.
On the contrary, time is of the essence, and for a fact, we live in the modern age dispensation where you hear of the miss independents and senior bachelors. The Western culture has also taken shape so rapidly in the African setting and couples sometimes find themselves lost on how to conduct and carry themselves about in their marriage.
From the issues mentioned above, a marriage lies in the hands of the two people who made the life-changing choice of living together, and it’s only them who will find a way of navigating through the storms that will come along.
23/03/2018
Facts You Should Know About Dating
I have occasionally attended youth retreats for schools, churches, and colleges, and whenever the topic of dating comes up, there is usually a wave of excitement that fills the air.
Why this topic creates a lot of excitement in young men and women beats understanding. Interestingly, I realize that three key things can greatly make people excited and curious.
These things are namely: food, love, and money. You will agree with me that I am 100% damn right on this.
It is important for youths to understand that dating involves matters of the heart and that they shall approach it with uttermost respect and the attention it deserves. Unfortunately, very few would care to learn about the fundamentals of dating.
Conversely, they will learn about dating through a hands-on approach. Do not get me wrong; I am not being judgmental. Besides experimenting with dating, they will also pick one or two clues from romantic movies and make them a reality.
However, it is better to make things right in the first place than be sorry later.
Let us get to the core of things by talking more about dating. Dating is defined as a consistent appointment between two people of the opposite sex (though I am meant to understand that there is dating of same-sex nowadays) to know more about each other by assessing each other’s suitability for marriage.
That said, note that there are two types of dating, namely:
- One on One Dating and
- Group dating
One on one dating involves two single people going out on a date and spending time together to know more about each other. On the other hand, group dating involves a clique of single men, women organizing, and going out on a date with the aim of forming ties for a romantic relationship that will lead to marriage.
Definitions aside, problems begin when Jacob, a church choir member, sees both Nancy and Mercy. Oooh My! You do not want to be caught up in that mess. It feels heroic when Jacob knows that he can comfortably oscillate between two women.
However, trouble begins when one day, Nancy picks up Jacob’s phone. Incidentally, a message pops into the text box from a contact saved us msee wa makaa (charcoal seller). I see no problem with that.
Everything is perfectly fine until Nancy is tempted to scroll the phone and open the text box. Wololo! I am not a Maraga, but I can tell you freely that this will be a tough petition to be heard by I do not know whom.
The content of the text message reads like “Bae unafanya? Nakufeel tu sana…” (what are you up to baby?..feeling you so much)
Such like the above scenario are common to many reading this post. Most young men and women can relate to the story with laughter-filled mouths, probably because they heard about it somewhere or they were the villain themselves, breaking somebody’s heart in the process.
We need to understand that when it comes to dating, there are three groups of daters.
- Never Daters
They are hardly seen with women and do not date at all.
- Ever Daters
They are always dating different women at different times. You will never hear of them being single but go through breakups occasionally.
- Healthy Daters
They date one partner at a particular period.
Most importantly, let us accept the fact that marriage was created and ordained by God. As such, God will only approve a relationship that gives glory and honor to him. Unfortunately, some youths I know of have trivialized the bible as an archaic book with no moral authority to dictate how they should live.
Sadly, they have made movie stars (superficial characters that do not live the life they portray on television) their heroes. This is not to say that movie stars are bad people. In the meantime, click here for successful tips on dating.
This post is a dedication to all the single young men and women hoping to date someday.
Kindly read, share and leave a comment. You might bless a soul somewhere.
02/09/2017
A World of Two.

In the tik tak of time,
Two hearts savoured the time
To breakdown the love chemistry
That was engulfed in a world of mystery.
Stone upon stone the first chapter began.
Mother nature silently witnessing all under the sun
Unknown strange birds became known love birds.
Even hell with its oven could not burn it up
Neither the universe with its mystery shake it up.
Coz a beautiful lass had met a handsome lad
Not only did outer beauty define them but more of inner beauty resonated well with them.
Chrysanthemums blossomed in celebration of the old age commandment
That is always climaxed by a God given covenant.
In the presence of a multitude
That yearn to let go their solitude.
05/01/2017