Motivation Parlour

Category: Motivational

No Need to Try Hard Solving the Puzzles, Just Let Life Unfold
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Life like a paradox is one big puzzle that makes you a smile at the beginning of the day and maybe sad at the end. The opposite is also true.
Not once or twice, you will find yourself in situations where all seems stuck and life has nothing better to offer other than a myriad of losses, bad news, and relationships that go south.
At times, the best you can do is to be still and let the chapters of your life unfold without much drama. However, you are the C.E.O of your life and you can make that choice at your discretion.
Problems are part and parcel of our lives and how we handle one problem says a lot about our character and what we are made of and more so how we shall handle the next phase of challenges.
Each new day, we rise up with big dreams, a mountain of hopes and our expectations hitting the roof. On the contrary, the day bids us bye without you or me realizing all of our expectations for the day.
Maybe you looked forward to receiving a phone call about a job interview that the panel members were all smiling at you and everything seemed to have worked perfectly well but no call came through. Or maybe your romantic interest took you on a date that ended up having no chance for a second date. Yes, it has happened so many times to so many people and you are not the first one.
How about that business that you have worked hard on to make it grow but ends just don’t seem to meet yet. No profits, low sales records, narrow customer base, nothing to celebrate but only regrets about pumping your money into a sinking ship.
Still, you may have checked your mail only to find a regret email from your potential business partner or employer.
Most of these life events, unfortunately, strike with no formula and come when you least expect them and when you eagerly hoped for the best.
However, at such a point in time, you need to realize that shifting blame or pointing a finger at a situation, event or person is not the best idea.
Your mind could also go wild and cloud you with all the wrong reasons why life is not working as you would want it to and all seems to be on a downward spiral.
You might want to drink yourself crazy in a bid to calm your nerves and ease the pressure for a while but that too will not let you off the hook.
This is the time in your life when you may appear to be a lone ranger with a few friends and unseen enemies. Your calls for help and sympathy may bounce back and give you no breakthrough at all.
You may wish the angel of death to drop from the heavens like lightning and cut short your life in an instant but you will close your eyes, weep, wish and pray only to open them again still functioning and feeling your breathing rhythm.
“The gods have conspired against me”, you will say in anguish. You will listen to all the soothing songs you can find and try find solace in them but that still may not solve one or all of your puzzles but at least you will feel better for a moment.
However, the universe will care not about the problems you will whine and shout to the world but only when you conquer them.
The secret lies in being tough and strong when life least expects you to and not to fret at any life challenging event nor find solace in superficial avenues but remain still and wait for more of your life chapters to unfold because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Run with me
18/04/2018
Turn the Negatives thrown at You into Positives
According to psychology, human beings have a way of defending themselves against negative or bad feelings. Some choose to live in denial; others will use projection, while others will choose to be irrational. Still, others will use misplaced aggression to feel better about themselves.
For sure, nobody under the sun is immune to life problems and challenges that keep recurring. I need not tell you that they will never stop anytime soon.
While you may want to know everything that happens, sometimes you are better off not knowing everything. It is not only about being better and sweet but sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet. Have you ever tried picturing your life without challenges?
Challenges are Necessary
Visualize yourself waking up one morning to an already set breakfast table. And you do not need to work because the government provides everything for you.
Yours is to eat, sleep, play and watch TV. Besides, the government is footing all your bills, including your leisurely activities. Now picture yourself living this kind of life for a year.
Where is the sense of accomplishment or achievement? How can you look at your life and feel proud of yourself? I would say nothing.
Life is full of both positives and negatives in equal measure. When we encounter positives, we live life to the fullest and celebrate over and over; however, when negatives hit us, many of us do not have the mental stamina to withstand the pressure.
Overcoming the Negatives
Therefore, one important skill that will do you well in life is to have a mindset that will shock and absorb the many storms you will need to wither in life.
For instance, among the common negativities, we experience daily are insults, mockery, and bad news from the people around us.
Interestingly, the people throwing the negatives at you, in most cases, are hurting too and will project their frustrations on you. He or she could be in a bad relationship and will want to paint a picture of you being the cause of his or her relationship problems.
At one time, I sat close to a lady who remarked that all men are dogs! Probably, she was hurting from a relationship that turned sour. But you will be surprised to learn that she got into a relationship with a man a few months later. Some men have also called women demons but still live with them under one roof.
You need not react to such situations whatsoever but respond. When reacting, you will use more of your emotions and are likely to cause yourself and the other person more harm; however, when you respond, you respond with reason and an objective disposition, calming down the situation.
Misplaced Aggression
Furthermore, many people use misplaced aggression as a technique to feel better or recover from their bad feelings. For example, Samantha quarrels with her mother for waking up late and therefore getting late to school.
Samantha does not react or respond to her mother, but when she gets to school, she vents her anger and pain on her desk mate and other schoolmates.
Did her schoolmates really deserve the treatment? No! But Samantha is feeling better now.
If you approach the above-mentioned incidence with this knowledge in mind, you will realize there is no point in fighting fire with fire but be objective and understand the other person’s disposition, in this case, Samantha.
You Have the Power
Lucia had badly hurt her close friend Eunice with terrible insults about her body. As a result, Eunice was deeply wounded and was sobbing uncontrollably.
Well, if you have been on the receiving end of any kind of negative words, you know it is not easy to swallow such words. Such words could come from the person you call your best friend, boss, spouse, colleague, or parent.
However, we have the willpower to choose how we want to feel about the situation. My best shot is to counter such negative attacks with positives rather than shut up and brood later over the negatives thrown at you.
Personal Experience
I remember at one point, I was enjoying some good music and singing the song as it played along. But it turned out that my neighbor was not very comfortable with my voice, so he remarked that I should shut up because my voice was hoarse and terrible.
Well, I responded immediately on a lighter note and told him, “You are wrong! That was a sweet angelic voice you were listening to” We all burst out laughing. Funny enough is that I could neutralize the tense situation as fast as it came.
As the proverbial quote goes, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Have a positive day.
22/02/2018
How to Find Strength in Tough Times
You have heard the saying that when the going gets tough get tougher. If you have ever undergone a hardship period in your life, you know that it is not very easy to overcome. That is the time when only a handful of people you know in your life may pick up your call. At worst, you might be shunned by friends and walk as a lone ranger.
Tough situations could occur in our lives because of many reasons. Some could be self-inflicted, some could occur as a result of accidents in our lives or human error. Tough times could also occur because of reasons or situations beyond our control like the death of a loved one.
Examples of Tough Times in Our Lives
What do you think could make life tough? Here are some examples of tough times in our lives:
- When lacking basic needs or one of the basic needs in your life
- Loss or lack of a job
- A failing business.
- When unable to pay your debts
- A failed relationship or marriage
- When suffering from a chronic disease
- When facing death or the loss of a loved one
- When feeling weak and helpless
- Feeling depressed
- Feeling unworthy with no sense of achievement
Whether you have undergone a tough situation in your life or not, one thing we have to accept is that the world is not a very safe and fair place to be. Some break the law and walk scot free while others get convicted. The poor get poorer as the rich get richer.
However, your attitude towards your tough situation in life is what will determine whether you will come out of the tough situation tougher or weaker and on the verge of death.
How do People Handle Tough Times
People handle tough times differently. Some ways in which people handle tough times include:
- Drinking themselves silly to forget their problems
- Taking narcotics such as cocaine
- Living in denial
- Crying
- Avoiding company with people and staying a loner
- Calling a close friend, priest or pastor
- Staying moody and getting angry at everybody
- Praying
- Committing suicide
While most of the ways listed may offer you some relief over a hardship period in your life, not all will work for your good. Actually, some ways will sink you deeper into tougher times than you already are. So what way or ways can only work for our good when facing tough times in our lives? Accept that you are limited as a human being and depend on a higher power. In the case of a Christian call upon the living God.
Action Steps
- If faced with a situation where you feel unworthy and unable, tell yourself you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13)
- When lacking something in your life, speak to yourself about the word of God regarding his provision over your life. (Phil. 4:19)
- When fearful because of your enemies, remind yourself of God’s protection in his word. (Psalms 23:4)
- When facing defeat, know that the Lord will lead you to triumph. (2 Corinthians 2:14)
- When lacking the faith to trust in his word and his promises over your life, tell yourself that the Lord has allotted you a measure of faith.(Romans 12:3)
- When feeling depressed, know that the compassion and mercy of the Lord are there for you. (Lamentations 3:21-23)
- When feeling weak know that God is the strength of your life (Psalms 27:1)
- When facing death or loss of a loved one, have trust in God. (Prov. 3:5)
- When in sickness or ailing remind God of his healing in his word. (1 Peter 2: 24)
Well, if your beliefs about God are different, this action steps may not work out for you but you could give them a try. Confessing his words in your life will not make you feel better instantly, but will be help you find strength in overcoming tough times in your life ultimately helping you to overcome the tough time.
Tough times could just be the keys we need for a happy life.
Are you going through a tough time in your life right now? How are you handling it?
13/01/2018
5 Ways to Stay Positive Always
Can you even stay positive?
You aren’t even living your dreams yet. How can you?
We face a pandemic right now that has kept us locked in our homes.
Can we still embrace positivity?
You all know the saying that when life hands you a lemon, turn it into a lemonade.
Well, it is easier said than done. How about the negative situations, behaviors, thoughts and experiences you face in your daily life? Do you turn them into positives or you immerse yourself in a sea of negativity?
It is very easy and almost natural to be positive when everything in your life is good.
So, how does a good life look like?
You’re meeting your goals, your wallet is growing fatter every new day, you are full of health and surrounded by caring loved ones. Right?
Conversely, being positive in the face of negativity is one hell of a mountain to climb. How are you expected to be positive when you have a sick spouse in the hospital?
Still, how are you expected to be positive when you are broke, hungry and cannot even afford three square meals in a day?
It becomes even more difficult to tell a graduate to be positive about life when they have gone round in search of a job for months without success.
There you are! Trying hard to make your business work but ends somehow just can’t meet. From the lazy and sly staff to poor sales and low profits, negativity snaps the joy of life away from you.
So how are we expected to be positive when we are being hit left and right with negativity?
From the negative clergyman to the negative conductor on the road, we also meet people who are outrightly negative and only make us negative. Not at all.
Actually, no one expects you to be positive or negative. It is none of their damn business, it yours.
The world is full of negativity in equal measure as positivity and it’s upon us to make the choice on whether to dwell on the positive or negative. Let me not blame the world, you need to look at your own life and you will be surprised to notice the negatives on you. Have you noticed how you belch loudly? What about the large tummy that you don’t enjoy looking at? Okay, you know you are quiet and reserved and you hate yourself for it.
When we constantly focus on our negatives, we register negative mental states in our subconscious minds.
Anytime you get confronted with a strange situation or circumstance, you condition your mind to point out the negatives before the positives.
Have you ever realized how negative people complain about everything? If not, the weather today is bad it will be the waiter was disrespectful. If not, am bored today it will be the food today is tasteless.
Being mentally positive can be actually hard if you are accustomed to looking at a glass as half empty.
However, with much practice, perseverance and patience, you could just be on your way to be the most positive person you have ever met.
For example, let us say you are used to viewing news as always bad news.
So every news hour you switch off the TV because you have the skewed notion that news is always bad.
Well, maybe you will need to test your perception and understanding of what makes up bad news? Besides, you could start watching sermons and your favorite music if at all you find them positive.
What about your negative views towards the current regime? Could you just change your negative mentality a little and start being a fair judge here? It is actually so negative to only point at the ills of an individual institution or government without recognizing their achievements.
For you to cultivate that positive mentality it is important to make the step of recognizing the good in every opportunity, person or situation you deem bad.
So how should we handle negativity?
Just like learning any other virtue, being positive is also a character that you can learn.
Therefore, the only way out of negativity is to stay positive at all times. One reason is that you will never ever chase all the negative people from your life and neither will you avoid them in totality.
Somehow the people close to you could be negative. Rather than try to avoid them appreciate the good in them.
Here are five tips I use to fight negativity
1. I Accept Who I am
A long time ago as a teenager I would feel terrible about my muscle size and how short they compared me to my peers. However, I grew into a youth and realized I could just be as sizeable as any other person. This all began when I started accepting myself the way I am.
So do you feel a flaw in you could make you uncomfortable? To be sincere with you, every single one of us has a flaw. What makes the difference is the fact that some have accepted who they are with their flaws and have moved on to other pertinent issues in life.
A person who focuses on his/her flaws only magnifies and makes them even more pronounced in their mind.
Focusing on your flaws only serves to kill yourself-esteem, kill your self-confidence and make you less productive in life. Putting you in not a very good disposition to attract success in your life.
To be positive in life, stop focusing on your flaws and focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths. This explains why interviewers usually ask a prospective employee about their strengths because they know they have some.
1. I Share My Positivity with Others
Basing on the Law of Cause and Effect, I highly encourage sharing out your positivity with others.
This law also referred to as Karma states that whatever you send into the universe comes back. If you send out negativity, you get back negativity. Conversely, if you send out positivity, is what you will get.
I am made to understand that such laws never err. It just the same concept when the Bible talks about reaping what you sow.
If you sleep more today, you will sleep hungry tomorrow. No shortcuts! No magic! The same concept is clearly showed by an echo sound. It only echoes what you say and nothing else.
And so how do I share out my positivity with others? I compliment them when they look good. I chat continuously in a Whatsapp group that is always dormant and silent.
I notice the good things around me and admire them for what they are; the sparkling VX V8 speeding past me, the artistically designed bungalow across the street, the smartly dressed young man nearby. The list is endless.
Apart from just complimenting, I also share my positivity with others by encouraging those who feel life is over for them or life is unfair, rather. This I do via this blog and the many individuals I interact with.
You need to realize that by you encouraging others you make them have a positive outlook on life and subsequently you never remain the same but also change to be like them.
1. I start My Day in Positive Like Let’s Say Listening to My Favorite Music
Sometimes I may wake up confused and full of fearful thoughts. However, all that changes in an instant when I play my favorite music.
How you start your day counts a lot in how you will handle the negatives that will get to you during the day.
Imagine yourself quarreling with your wife as the first thing when you wake up. The rest of the day won’t just flow.
Your productive energy is already sapped through the quarrel and you will view every other encounter on negative glasses.
Your subordinates at your place of work could have it rough that day.
One other way I start my day positive is to start with a morning devotion where I study the word of God and pray. Here are some simple truths about a morning devotion using God’s word:
1. It builds your faith as a Christian
2. It heals your physical and emotional pain
3. It fights the enemies in your life, including works of the devil
4. It builds your character
5. It brings hope
There is no doubt about the positive power of good music and a morning devotion to your life.
1. I Try as Much as I Possible to Live in the Present
Living in the present is one sure way of letting go every fear that creeps up on you from failures of the past and anxieties of the future.
I live in the moments by taking a walk through nature and enjoy the cool breeze and the sound of moving wind. I also live at the moment by appreciating the things I have in life instead of worrying about what I do not have.
Sadly, a conversation with friends or a TV commercial could kill this disposition in you, such that you become empty and a low achiever when TV commercials project a life of class and wealth that yours does not compare to.
Adding on to your negative state is when you worry about your future and thinking of the things you do not have and what you are supposed to achieve.
Too many of us have stolen the joy out of our lives by worrying about our future.
For instance, you will come across a young person worrying about the man or woman they will get married to. Their health, their finances and many other things.
Well, not that we should not live in the present but it is healthier, positive and less of an effort to live at the moment than constantly think about your future.
Some successes in your life happened randomly, without even your planning.
1. I Choose to be Open-Minded
By being open-minded means I will consider new ideas. Whether I embrace them depends on my core values as a person and more so as a child of God.
However, sometimes being narrowly minded can be a big cause of negativity in our lives.
We value more who we are and what we know to the point of refusing to acknowledge any new idea or information contrary to what we already know.
For instance, a Christian who firmly believes in the word of God and full of faith might get agitated when he or she meets an atheist who tells him or her there is no God.
However, they only needed to acknowledge that not everyone is saved and not everyone believes in God.
That makes a hell lot of a difference and make them feel more positive than negative about the experience.
To be positive in life, be open-minded and accept that in your journey through life you will meet so many people who will oppose your absolute truth about life and yourself. If you are open-minded you will approach such encounters with positivity rather than negativity.
Final Thoughts
What are you negative about?
1. Is it your current job?
2. COVID-19 pandemic?
3. Sickness?
4. Your spouse?
5. Your child?
6. Your mother-in-law?
7. The government?
8. Yourself?
9. Your lack of employment?
The list is endless. Whatever situation that makes you feel negative train yourself to only see the positive in situations and other people.
Soon, you will be on your way to being a positive person in life.
Cheers!
31/12/2017
No One Can Define You But Yourself
The author with colleagues at a workstation.
Hey you, hope this post finds you well. We are in tough times as a country and it will be kind of you to check on your neighbor just to know how safe he or she is.
To our fallen brothers and sisters in different parts of the country, more so, Luo Nyanza, may God rest their souls in peace. One socialite was quoted to suggest that “msiba wa kujitakia hauna kilio“, (you shouldn’t cry over a self-inflicted problem) but I choose to disagree in the strongest terms possible.
Our dear brothers and sisters chose to exercise their constitutional right to picket and demonstrate but rogue police officers caught up with them and mercilessly took their lives by the bullet.
There are two important questions I need you to ask yourself today.
1. How are you shaping the definition of your country as a citizen of Kenya? And
2. What defines your personality?
Too many of us hardly care the shit about what defines us as persons. We are busy shaping and defining our acquaintances, neighbors, and friends but we hardly have the time to define ourselves.
We have left that job to our parents, pastors, employers, friends, and village elders.
I am here to tell you that no one should define you but yourself. Honestly, were you blatantly convinced that you are stupid and cannot make it to law school or whatever career of your choice? Save me the bullshit.
Seriously? You were told you are not good in business and you chose to buy that? A beautiful you, fearfully and wonderfully made chose to take that in? Save me the crap.
You were told you are not dateable and you believed it? No, you shouldn’t.
Just before we continue I need you to affirm these positive affirmations firmly, loudly, and with a conviction of Biblical Paul. Better make things right now than clock 40 with regrets about your youth. Well, you may not be religious like me but you can find positivity in these statements.
1. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
2. What man can do, I can do better.
3. He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.
4. I can because I can.
5. Wealth, health, and long life are my portions because God has a purpose for me on this earth.
6. The Lord is my protector and there is nothing evil that man can do to me in deed and word.
Thank you for being a good student, assuming you followed the above instructions.
I don’t know about you friend, but for me, I chose to define myself rather than be defined.
This is so because who would purport to know me better than myself. I know how I hate crowds and like to lock myself in a closet! Not literally. Simply put, I know what you do not know about me, so don’t you try to exercise your behavior reading skills on me.
A young man was teased that he is mentally challenged to pursue science subjects in his third form at high school and he fell for it. Sad.
How many of us have fallen to these mediocre, energy-sapping words that demean us only to rediscover ourselves later?
I want you to stand up with me today, champion, and let’s say no to every self-limiting definition that has been implanted in our lives by the very people who were meant to love, inspire and protect us against any self-limiting beliefs and definitions at a tender age.
No point of getting bitter about them maybe they were as naive as you were about their actions.
You can get remorseful too, I understand, it’s because you broke a soul out there and shattered a dream with your loud mouth and now you have to admit it. “Urrghhh!! a wretched me”, you say.
Here is what I’m saying, friend.
Nobody can define you but you.
The Merriam Webster definition of the word define is to determine or identify the essential qualities or meaning of something or somebody e.g whatever defines us as human.
We need to start defining ourselves guys. I need you for a moment to switch off your mind from what your mother, wife, girlfriend, husband, pastor, or special other said about you and pick that pen and paper
Or you could use the smartphone you have, and let’s start redefining our lives.
Looks simple, and an easy thing to do, right? But don’t go that direction because some people have never defined themselves since birth.
All they know is that their BFF told them they are strong. Haha, maybe you were being flattered boy!
It is interesting to note that some people have never really defined their person. I mean, who are you? What do you stand for? What are your values or core values? What about your personality? What are your strengths? What about your weaknesses or you have none? I don’t think so.
What is more baffling is the fact that some have chosen to define themselves by their job positions or profession and that is where it stops. I have no qualms about society calling you by your job title.
But you need to take a break and define who you are friend. Some have found themselves in awkward positions or rather caught off guard by interview questions that touch on their personality.
Using a pen and paper or whatever smart gadget at your disposal, create columns with the above-given entries and write yourself down.
I just started.
Define yourself to be a better you.
https://i.redd.it/2lgjg7tn1zuz.jpg
Thanks for stopping by.
27/10/2017
It is Okay to Suck and Embarrass Yourself
https://pixabay.com/en/furious-upset-person-woman-angry-2514031/
Hello guys!
Being a Sunday, I thought it wise to mention this topic to you, why not?
Sunday is the day most people are off from their demanding week day jobs. It is also a day when the faithful have a chance to worship God and visit one another. More so, some take this time to spend on outings with their loved ones and family.
Indeed, Sunday is a day that comes and is soon gone, however, one can have every fulfilling moment of it.
And so today I have been reflecting on personal growth, self-improvement and today’s sermon about –The Serpent.
If my memory serves me right, I have read very many self-help books and blogs on different topics such as saving, dating and relationships, spirituality and making wealth. On the contrary, my life has changed to a certain degree but not to the level mention in the given blogs and books.
Interestingly, many self-help books and blogs including the one I’m writing on encourage people to be a better version of themselves, be happy, seek after success, break bad habits, be assertive, make money and so forth.
However, today I want to center this discussion on a different perception of life. As much as everyone may want to drive the latest machine in town and carry that sleek sizable smartphone, not all these are a sure guarantee in giving you the happiness you really long for.
On the contrary, I think it is healthy and okay for one to feel low, sad, dejected and miserable once in a while. It is quite unfortunate that in the 21st-century world of social media and a booming self-help industry, bloggers and writers have perfected the skill of giving people unsolicited advice on how to do this and that. This may partly work in your life or it may simply have no impact on your life at all.
Furthermore, people have perfected the art of feeling good, being happy and living life to the fullest on social media when in fact, their true selves are struggling with bills and a myriad of other life issues.
Social media has helped much in boosting the self-help industry song because people would like to show off their success, new shoes, the new smartphone they never heard before or the baby they recently gave birth to.
In contrast, such online photos only reflect a part of their life story at that paticular moment and it does not necessarily mean the individual in question is always happy.
Self-help writers tell us never to be sad but always happy, how not to suck and embarass ourselves, how to stop overspending and saving, how to win our Ex-girlfriends and boys back.
On the contrary, I think it would be good for one to live life in moderation without being too hard on themselves with self-help sermons. True change in an individual usually comes from within and I believe outside sources only serve to catalyze their resolve for change.
In living life to the full, you will trumble and be trumbled upon, laugh and be laughed at. At times in life we embarass ourselves so badly and the thought of such like incidences only make us more embarrased.
To recap an incidence I once embarrased myself, I am the discipline polite, young man who means no harm to none. And so during one time in college, the lecturer wanting to use students as teaching aid to make the concept of the Human DNA sink deeper summoned three students to the front including myself.
Given a choice, I would be the first one to refuse such a proposition by the lecturer but he would have heard none of that. It so happened that the jeans trouser I had worn that day was a little bit tight on me. This served to create an unusual contour in my fly area.
The front of the class was a little bit raised like a podium and so the 1000-packed classroom could visibly see the front.
Unfortunately for me, the class clown had already spotted an opportunity to break the ice and off he went. Amidst the demonstrations and lecture by the professor, he shouted a funny remark in slang to suggest that I had just had an erection.
The lecturer not wanting to be left out of the moment highlights simply chipped in and made a repitition of the clown’s remarks on a lighter knot which send the class into a mad frenzy of laughter, shouting and ululations. Girls pinched the boys and got a subject to talk about.
To save myself the embarassment, I joined the class in the laughter and laughed at myself too. Eventually , the noise dissipated and sooner the lecture came to its end. The incidence was fast forgotten as it came.
This is exactly how life works. Always shifting between lemons and lemonades periodically. There is always no a continouos state of bliss as self-help books may want to put it or make us believe but a series of ups and lows, the hero and the loser you, in one day you could be a jack-of-all trades and the next day turn out to be a good for nothing bloody vampire.
Therefore, the trick here is to stop being the perfectionist. Stop always having a high expectation of you in everything you do because you can obviously never achieve that. Reserve such expectations for Hollywood movie stars who are made to appear superhuman and perfect in body-shape, movements, speech and everything they do. Once in a while show love and appreciation for the miserable and loser you. Learn to accomodate the sad and bored you by acknowledging that the most jovial and talkative person, once in a while shuts down completly.
Next time you suck or embarass yourself, simply remember that for life to be complete, you need to have a test of both lemons and lemonades. No movie stars here.
Is there a day you embarrassed yourself and felt the loser for it? Let me know through the comments section below.
Have a fruitful week.
01/10/2017
How to Overcome Negative Peer Pressure
Is your teen struggling with peer pressure lately? It happens and it’s vital that you support your teenager in coping with peer influence. Peer pressure is when your teenager does what they wouldn’t do in order to fit in or be accepted and valued by their friends. Peer influence could be positive or negative. If your teenager is being influenced positively, that’s good for you but things could go south if your teenager gets influenced by negative peer influence.
Peer Group
Image courtesy | A diverse group of students smile as they discuss the study material on the table in front of them.
As is commonly known, peers are people of the same age, same interests, or social status. Peers hang out together, go to watch a football match together, and spend a lot of time with one another.
Your teenage behaviors and characters are shaped by the people they spend the most part of their time with. These people are none other than our peers.
Peer Pressure Amongst Teenagers
Peer pressure usually kicks off in the teenage years. By the time, one is a youth; their character is already shaped and built by the people he used to hang out with when he was still a teenager. Ultimately, as a young adult, a person picks on the mannerisms or characters of the people he or she works with or his informal group.
Therefore, it is important to know that peer pressure is real. We cannot run away from peers in our lives, however, we should be careful about the kind of pressure that our peers might exert on us to do something.
For instance, you might be non-alcoholic but your peers have no qualms about using strong drinks. As such, they will impart pressure on their peer who does not drink into joining them for a drink. Conversely, a devoted Christian young man would put pressure on his peer who is a drug addict to accompany him to church to worship God.
Peer Pressure Amongst Adults
Nonetheless, regardless of gender or age, we cannot run away from peer pressure in our lives. Mildred sits in a self-help group where every member of the group drives a car except her. Mildred, therefore, decides to take a bank loan against her wish to buy herself the latest BMW to suit her group.
Still, down the streets, you hear such talks as “everybody is doing it nowadays”, “Kickbacks are obvious, people in government take them I don’t mind taking them too”.
Peer pressure is a powerful force that influences our lives and we need to say no to it especially when it is negative peer pressure.
Daniel is a biblical character who lived an outstanding Christian life despite living and working with people who did not worship Jehovah.
Serving in the royal courts of king Nebuchadnezzar back then, Daniel and his three friends refused to feast on the royal food that contained meat from ceremonially unclean animals.
Even when other Jewish inhabitants had conformed to the Babylonian gods, Daniel and his three friends resolved not to be defiled (full story in Daniel chapter 1).
There are a number of factors affecting the 21st-century teenager and youth such as
1. External Influence.
As mentioned earlier, peer pressure could be both positive and negative. With respect to negative peer pressure, an individual is faced with influences that go against his wish and personal values.
In today’s high-tech life, the youths have become highly tech-savvy and therefore spend most of the time glued to their smart gadgets. This denies them the chance to spend time and interact with adults who would otherwise correct them when they misbehave or go wrong.
On the other hand, smartphones come with all manner of content that the youths feed on without guidance from their parents, guardians, or pastors.
Content such as drugs, devil worship, and sexting influences the youth negatively. The media has also a great influence on how the present-day youth behave.
2. Internal Influence
Youth with low self-esteem are most likely to be influenced by the opinions, attitudes, and perceptions of their peers more than their parents.
This is because the youth always sees themselves as unattractive, unpopular, and unintelligent which makes them more vulnerable to peer pressure.
Ultimately, this young man sinks deep into negative social influences apparently because of a lack of healthy friend associations and spiritual guidance.
Dire consequences of negative peer pressure are right in front of our eyes as evidently seen in violence amongst young people, drug addiction, car accidents, early pregnancies, and abortions.
Overcoming Negative Peer Pressure
Youths and persons of any age can learn to overcome negative peer pressure by
• Saying a polite no without hurting or offending others.
The Bible gives a perfect, clear example of politely saying no through the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. He politely said no to the sexual advances of her master’s wife.
• Avoiding the source
Joseph had to stay away from Potiphar’s wife in order to avoid the temptation that waylaid him.
Many times in our lives we want to do the right things but we stay in the company of the wrong people.
You do not seek marriage advice from a divorcee. In the same way, you do not seek financial advice from a broke person because he will mention to you all the reasons why you cannot make money.
• Fleeing from the source
After repeated nags from Potiphar’s wife unto Joseph to indulge in an illicit affair, Joseph had but only one option; to flee from the source.
At times fleeing might cost us our friends but then, there is no point in sacrificing your bright future for an individual who is leading you to a gutter.
• Being prepared to pay the price
After standing his ground against Potiphar’s wife, Joseph ultimately found himself in prison for crimes he had not committed.
In overcoming negative peer pressure, we might pay the price in one way or another by losing our friends, and false accusations but it is worth it because, in the end, you will be healthier, wiser, and stronger.
• Parent’s Teaching
Parents should teach their young children at an early age to make rational decisions. They should constantly approve and disapprove of the kind of friendships their children entertain. Parents should mold their teenagers into making the right choices in life. On the other hand, children should be free to share the kind of friends they have with their parents.
• Choosing their friends wisely
Friendship with an angry man makes one an angry person too. Youth and teenagers should choose friends that reflect their deepest values and qualities and shun young people that project vice.
• Refusing to be fooled by moral relativism
This is an attitude that says am okay, you are okay, no matter what we think and do as long as it does not hurt the other person.
How WRONG! Whatever we do affects others directly or indirectly. If I play music in my home theatre at the highest volume, yes, it is cool but to my nearest neighbor that would be noise and a breach of environmental laws.
Having this kind of attitude weakens our resolve to be moral and mind others, however, if we focus on building our character by watching and reading what has the ability to influence us positively, life will be better.
Last Word
If your teenager or youth is struggling with peer pressure, not all is lost and they aren’t alone. Most people succumb to peer pressure because of the fear of rejection and the need to be accepted.
As such, because of their insecurity, they fall victim to manipulation from their peers and are influenced negatively. Nevertheless, we should always be bold and stand up for what we believe in. Resist and overcome negative peer pressure.
12/07/2017
Quandary of a Young Kenyan Graduate.
James Karagu, commonly known in close circles as Jemo, is a recent graduate from an institution of higher learning in Kenya; having pursued BSc. Statistics. Before finishing college and graduating James was upbeat about getting a job and being a respected man in society. Apparently, back then in campus, he was dating a beautiful woman from central Kenya by the nickname shiro. They were looking forward to get married immediately they completed their studies.
After their graduation, the two love birds parted ways with full of promises to one another to keep in touch and always make a point of meeting often. His girlfriend Shiro studied Journalism and Mass communication and looked forward to be a journalist with a reputable media company.
Jemo left for the city, Nairobi while Shiro left for central Kenya in Nyeri. However, after graduation and the joy of finishing school, all was not rosy as they had both anticipated. On arriving in the city, James settled at a friend’s place that was kind enough to accommodate him. His friend had finished college two years earlier and was making quite some good money in the city out of hawking. The money he earned could pay his rent, buy food and pay bills and afford extra coins to save and also sent to his mama upcountry.
Surprisingly, James friend, had studied Biochemistry back in college; but after “tarmacking” and job-hunting for one and half years, he resolved to be his own boss and give self-employment a try. Lucky for James, he had a friend who could shelter him as he went about in search of jobs. Every morning, James would wake up as early as 6.am but not as early as his friend who wakes up at 5 am to go about his business.
James would wake up, take a shower, neatly press his shirt and trouser and add on a blue tie compounded with shiny black shoes and head out in such of a job. He had drafted a mind- blowing CV, prepared academic certificates and any other arsenal that would sell him to the highest bidder.
On the other hand, her girlfriend Shiro, had tried her luck too in getting a job. Lucky for her, she secured a well-paying internship with a local radio station in Nyeri.They kept in touch with James as two people who love one another usually do.
On the contrary, James was getting frustrated by the day. Some of his job applications went unanswered, and the future looked gloom and dark. His close friend was also beginning to feel the heat of hosting a jobless graduate.
One Monday morning, instead of heading out for the routine job- hunting, James chose to sit around and reflect upon his actions. He pondered at length whether searching for a job was worthwhile given the high number of graduates who were also hunting for jobs. He looked at his close friend and realized he was not formally employed with a white collar job and salary yet could make ends meet. James realized in that moment of reflection, a job was simply a temporal solution to a permanent problem. He needed to do something quick and fast going forward to be economically viable. A torrent of ideas started flowing into Jame’s head. Instantly and simultaneously, he thought of hawking, car washing, freelancing, blogging, mitumba (second-hand clothes) business.
After much deliberation, James opted to run a blog, given he had a laptop and could afford bundles for internet connection. However, that was never to start soon since James faced quite a number of options to prioritize from. Firstly, a financial firm had offered him a job with a pay little less than what his hawker friend was taking home (ksh.35,000).The firm promised him room for career development, allowances and other benefits.
Secondly, his girlfriend from campus was getting restless and wanted James to make up his mind whether they were wasting time together in the name of love or what James was thinking about. Thirdly, an uncle of James back in the village had called him, and he wanted James to travel upcountry so that he could work as a cashier in his mini-supermarket. These options all presented themselves to John at the same time frame. It became quite difficult for John to know what path he should follow.
When his hawker friend, arrived back at home from an exhaustive working day, he found his friend James, frustrated and confused. James was spoilt for choice and did not know what was best for him.
Nevertheless, his friend was always there for him when he needed a sense of direction. James friend advised him to choose what was best for him at the time. In other words, James was told to put his priorities right. The conversation from the two men went for hours on end amidst short call breaks and water sippage to quench dry throats.
Unfortunately many graduates in Kenya today are in no position to make choices they wish they could make but only take what is given.
On the contrary, all is not lost for young Kenyan graduates because James friend is a shining star against high rates of unemployment in Kenya today.
STAY ON TOP!!!
20/06/2017
Humble Beginnings
Many times when interacting with friends or walking down the streets, I have heard the phrase “humble beginnings”.
People talk about it in churches, marketplaces, homes,whats-app groups and even places of work. Well, being a Sunday, I chose to have a sit down with myself and try to reflect on the phrase “humble beginnings”
As the old saying goes “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” No wonder we have Professors who were once half asleep and half crying babies in baby class.
Up to this point you could be asking yourself so where am I heading to with all this humble beginning write up. Hold on, stay put and you gonna get knew energy today.
Across all sectors of our economy and life at large we have heroes in different fields such as art, athletics, politics, academics, public speaking among others whom we cherish and adore.
For instance, Denzel Washington an American actor and filmmaker is an epitome of a successful career in acting and drama. He says he just got there by working hard and not partying with the right people.
Moses, a biblical figure who was once a wanderer in the wilderness and a stammerer was raised by God to greater heights ultimately becoming one of the greatest prophet and leader in biblical history.
The president of the Republic of Kenya, Uhuru Kenyatta was once a political neophyte, who has risen from being a mere nominated Member of Parliament to a person who commands attention and respect from a republic.
Time would not allow me to talk about Barrack Obama, a junior senator from Illinois with Kenyan roots who rose to become the President of a superpower country. He had the audacity of hope, believed in himself and said yes we can.
Nelson Mandela, commands respect even in his death, the world over, a man who in his early life did not portray a man of steel he carried in him. The rest is history as his contribution led to the end of the apartheid regime in South Africa.
The only difference between you and these heroes in life is time and yourself. Napoleon Hill in his book -Think and Grow Rich talks about the 31 Major causes of failure and mentions one as being mastered by self; But once self is mastered no one stands between you and your destiny.
Many have ridden themselves off their dreams by negative thinking, self-doubt and lack of belief in oneself, listening more to the opinion of others than themselves; BUT HEY!!! all is not lost since the race is not to the swift or bread to the stronger but time and chance happens o every human being.
In the journey of a thousand miles, many have not been courageous enough to fail, to strike it out again and again till there is a breakthrough. Yes the system could be terrible, yes I have family demands, Yes I have no job, Yes I never went to school but heroes even in death had greater odds working against them than you think you have. Thomas Edison contacted 1000 failed experiments because 1001 was the light bulb.
STAY ON TOP!!
18/06/2017